


Hard in Hightown

by xmanabeex



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, How Do I Tag, Modern Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, POV Hawke, Rape, Semi-Canonical Character, hawke is an otaku
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-15 19:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11237226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmanabeex/pseuds/xmanabeex
Summary: Hazel 'Kimi' Hawke lives a very secluded lifestyle. When online gaming becomes a hobby, how will it affect her life? How will she cope with a certain deal made with her uncle, and when a certain brooding man catches her eye online one day?More simply; the Dragon Age II crew play Dragon Age, Hawke works at a coffee shop, Gamlen is a rapist, and Fenris is a secret cat-lover.*Rated E for later chapters*





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to FanFiction.net, but I wanted to post it on here too :'3 I've got eight chapters up already but I'll gradually post them up on here so don't worry :D  
> As usual all the characters etc. belong to Bioware, any brands, songs etc. I mention don't belong to me either. 
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT/REVIEW AND FOLLOW IF YOU ENJOY!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi! :D This was originally posted on FanFiction.net, but I wanted to post this onto here as well, so if you can't wait for chapters to be released here (which I will be posting the already created chapters once or twice a day) check out the up to date version on the other website!

Hazel 'Kimi' Hawke was 18 years old, she had just begun her gap year when she brought a new MMORPG that was a somewhat medieval action-adventure, she thought. Her mother, Leandra, had told her to stop wasting her time away by watching "those Japanese cartoons" … anime - so she decided to get more into gaming. She had enjoyed playing _Skyrim_ and _The Witcher_ on her PC, but when anime took over her life she couldn't help but favour one over the other.

It wasn't too long ago that she had come home from the local game store, and began installing _Dragon Age Online_ on her computer. She had noticed that her sister hadn't come back from school yet, and her mother wasn't home either - leaving her alone with a drunken Gamlen who was face down on the counter top in the kitchen.

_'At least he's asleep … unlike all the other times.'_ She shuddered at the thought of his hands ghosting over her breasts. Kimi couldn't bring herself to tell her mother what Gamlen would do to her when no one was there. They had made a deal when Kimi had first found out about Gamlen's drinking habits, when they first came to Kirkwall from Ferelden; that in exchange for free accommodation, she was to … _service_ his intoxicated desires. And she couldn't say no to him, they had nowhere else to stay after Kirkwall's refugee situation got out of hand - due the pandemic that had swept across her rural homeland. Gamlen was careful about the deal too, he hadn't taken her virginity, or else Leandra or any future partner Kimi may have could find out. It was strictly oral, and she always wondered how he kept the whole virginity part of the agreement when he was utterly inebriated - not that she wanted to know, anyway.

She crept down the stairs and into the pigsty of a kitchen to get a smoothie from the fridge, keeping a close eye on Gamlen the whole time and eyeing the two bottles of rum that were next to him. _'Maker he needs to quit, or die from alcohol poisoning soon',_ she thought as a smirk spread across her face at the thought of the latter idea. Kimi closed the fridge door quietly, and crept past Gamlen, through the hallway and up the old wooden staircase into her and Bethany's room.

Not that there was anything special about the stairs, the flooring of the house was made up of aged wooden planks, the walls were made of worn brick and plaster that was once white she assumed, but now a more grey colour from the years of dirt and smoke in the air from Gamlen's fags. There wasn't much in the way of furniture either, just the essentials both downstairs and upstairs - apart from in Kimi and Beth's room. When fleeing Lothering Kimi carried both of the sisters clothes in two suitcases, and Bethany hauled the gaming PC, monitor and accessories in a suitcase. Their room had all the basics much like downstairs, apart from the desk which had the PC tower, monitor, keyboard and mouse on top - the most expensive things in Gamlen's poor excuse of a home.

Kimi was laying on her bed playing on her phone when a notification sound came from her computer. She lept up excitedly and read the pop-up that was displayed on the screen of her monitor:

_Dragon Age Online_ is now installed!

\- Play Now           - Read User Manual

Kimi hurriedly clicked on the 'Play Now' option, and settled in the desk chair, wrapping herself up in the thin plaid patterned blanket that draped on the back of it.

_'I can't wait to see what this is like! The reviews said it was alright ... I wonder if i join any cool guilds … what if I meet a super hot guy who romantically revives me in a battle and we become a THING! … I hope there's good character customisation or else I'm getting a refund …'_

Thoughts and feelings were buzzing around in her mind, ignorant to what was soon to come.

* * *

**_Six months later ..._ **

' _I… need… caffeine..'_ Kimi thought to herself, fighting urge to fall asleep at her keyboard after trying to reach level 50 in the Deep Roads for at _least_ seven hours.

"Don't you dare fall asleep on me Hawke!", she heard Varric scream through her headset.

"Another * _yawn_ * ten minutes Varric * _yawn_ * or I won't get through work tomorrow" she managed to say, albeit semi-consciously.

"Hawke, just hold on until you reach level 50, then we will allow you to rest..." she heard her companion Aveline say sternly, yet in a caring manner. "...It shouldn't be long judging from your XP bar."

"Okay guys, I * _yawn*_ know you're all doing this for me, * _yawn*_ afterall". This was true. Herself, Aveline, and Varric were the only ones in the guild awake, so Aveline had suggested that she and Varric they farmed for miscellaneous objects and trinkets, whilst Kimi 'trained'.

Dragon Age Online was her favourite MMORPG at the moment, upgrading her PC just to play it with as little lag as her wallet would allow. Yet, despite the hundred or so hours playing… she was utterly _shit._ She was a running joke in her guild _Hard in Hightown_ , Varric only keeping her in because of her extensive lore knowledge, Kimi thought - so she dedicated herself to reading upon the lore, in order to make up for her lack of skill in combat. She had insisted to herself she wanted to follow the archery class, having a passion for stealth in other games, but the more she tried the worse it seemed she got despite levelling up - having to constantly rely on the healer in the guild, Anders, to revive her.

' _You can do this! You're a Hawke afterall. Just one more Hurlock-"_

Her trail of thought was interrupted by the in-game music. The music that meant a character had levelled up. The sweet sound that she had been battling Hurlock after Hurlock for just over seven hours for.

"YATTAAAAA!" she bellowed down the mic piece and fist pumping the air, resulting in several words of disapproval from both the warrior and rogue.

"Y'really ought to lay off that anime, Hawke, we wouldn't want you to sprout eyes half the size of your pretty face now would we?" Varric jested.

"Of _course_ not my dear dwarven companion," she smirked at her web camera "but lemme just celebrate this fine achievement".

"Congrats Hawke, now choose a specialisation perk and go to bed", said Aveline, emphasizing the 'bed' part. Despite always being so harsh with her, Kimi knew that Aveline only did so for her benefit. Aveline was the mother figure of the guild, but if anyone told her so she would give them hell - Kimi chuckled at the thought. She also felt empathy towards her, after hearing her husband died from the same disease that nearly wiped out the population of Ferelden - including Kimi's brother.

"Okay okay! Goodnight guys, and thank you so much for staying up till…" she glanced at her clock, then at her phone, then back to the clock "5AM?!" ' _Oh shit, oh balls! I'll only get two hours sleep!'_ She screamed at herself, hoping the time on both her clock and phone were wrong.

"You're welcome, Kimi, I already finished my writing quota for today so it was no biggie, now get what little beauty sleep you can". Varric always spoke so kindly towards her, well, unless he was fighting in-game - then he couldn't give a nug's arse. For an author he spent a lot of time playing the game, being the second most online player.

"And I already said I have the day off tomorrow… or today, anyway, we did this for your benefit. Goodnight." said Aveline.

"G'night! I wuv you guys!" And with that she watched her monitor turn black as she switched off the plug to the extension lead that powered her beast of a computer. She rose from her seat,nearly falling over due to cramp, and tip-toed out her shared room and down the hall to the bathroom, attempting to make as little noise as possible - despite the shouting and screaming she already did, to avoid waking up her sister and mother, and her uncle Gamlen - but failing when the floorboards creaked under her weight.

' _How hasn't this house killed someone… the floor has holes in for Maker's sake_. _As soon as I get enough money I'll happily remove myself and my family out of this poor excuse for a house that must be older than Gamlen and Mother put together.'_ she muttered inwardly to herself.

Upon entering the her bathroom she shivered at the coldness of the broken tiled floor. Kimi walked over to the sink, brushed her teeth, removed her makeup and moisturized her face. Kimi stared at herself long and hard in the small mirror that sat on the basin propped up against the wall, as she did almost every night. A gaming marathon wasn't the best way to maintain a pretty appearance. Her long pastel purple hair was thick with grease, and full fringe plastered to her forehead, despite cleaning it. Her pale blue eyes were bloodshot due to being glued to a computer screen for too long, and to make everything worse she was beginning to have dark patches under her eyes from lack of sleep.

Her eyes stared into her reflection's until her view became hazy. ' _Who even is Hazel Kimi Hawke…'_ she thought, but quickly put her inhibition away before more negative thoughts came to mind, and tied up her hair with the wine coloured scrunchie that she always wore on her wrist.

Kimi hurriedly stripped down to her underwear and bra, and examined herself in the large free standing mirror in the corner of the bathroom. To anyone else it would be too small, but she was just over 5ft, so she managed to fit into the frame without standing far away.

"At least going to gym and gaming at night works out well … I don't have to worry about my weight like Varric does!" she laughed at the memory of the dwarf finally admitting he was much too heavy for his height, "Though, I am gaining a slight muffin top." She said disappointedly albeit quietly, prodding the layer of fat that threatened to dominate her lower abdomen.

Kimi had a slim but slightly muscular figure, her bust was a 34D, and her waist was narrow, but her hips were wider - which together gave her an hourglass figure. Her arse muscles were toned and yet a decent size, as well as her thighs, granting her a small thigh gap, her calves were slim. As much as she tended to her figure - working out at the local gym regularly, she felt as if something was missing; she couldn't figure out what it was.

Kimi ended the bad thoughts again, and put on an overly large plain grey t-shirt that she swiped from her bedroom earlier, which came down to mid-thigh level, and walked briskly yet quietly to her bedroom, hoping to avoid a drunken Gamlen yet again. She removed her black push up balcony bra and flung it into her wash basket with her pants, leapt into her bed and let her tiredness almost claim her.

At night she would imagine being at least a _semi-good_ player, knowing she could never be as good at combat as the Guard-Captain Aveline - earning the title after completing so many NCP side quests, the archer Varric, who recruited her into the guild in the first place, and the rest of the guild who had gone to bed long before she had.

She thought about the relatively new friends she had made, only having the game for just over six months. She still didn't know if she could trust the blood mage Merril not to kill everyone, or Daisy as Varric would call her, making her slightly jealous. Anders seemed like a nice guy, though he was invested in immersing himself with the game lore about mages. The more flirtatious member of the guild, Isabella, was her friend in primary school, before Kimi's family was forced to move from Ferelden to Kirkwall due to the outbreak of a pandemic - which scientists later found out was a more intense strain of the plague, turning people into a zombie-like state. She had no idea Isabella played the game, much less survived the disease that swept through her homeland. Kimi only discovered after she was added to the mobile group chat, and recognised Izzy's face from her profile picture. It was quite the reunion, never mind it being held over an incredibly awkward _Skype_ call.

It was only over video chatting that she realised all the guild member's characters had a shocking resemblance to their actual appearance...

… apart from Fenris.

Kimi didn't know how he looked. He had joined not too long after herself, but she could already see that he had been playing for much much longer. He had said previously in the guild chat in-game that he couldn't Skype call or use the audio chat feature in-game, as he could only play when he visited his local library due to not owning a computer of his own. Thus, out of courtesy they would avoid doing so when he was online. Despite lacking his own PC, he would come online almost every evening to play, almost all day in the weekends. His level of commitment to the game astonished her, either that or he simply have no life.

Kimi wanted to see and hear him so badly, his character was easily identifiable as the most attractive out of the whole guild, the fact he chose the elf race was already a headstart in her eyes, but with his dove white hair and tanned skin - and those strange markings that granted him legendary ranked powers, Fenris won her heart by a mile. Unlike Isabella and the other members, the elf had no profile picture on the group chat (out-of-game), the thought had obviously crossed her mind that he could be in fact a middle-aged obese male, living with his parents and suffering from extreme shyness - but she was holding onto a small thread of hope that he looked somewhat like his character - she always had a _thing_ for elven avatars.

She smiled at the thought of eventually meeting up with the guild, seeing all her friends in person and actually being able to say to her mother she _had_ friends. Snuggling into her blanket, she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Kimi awoke the next day to her alarm, which was blasting the beginning of _Pacify Her._ She hummed the tune as she tried to rid the tiredness from herself at 7am, still immensely fatigued from gaming not even two hours prior.

Kimi worked at a café not too far from Gamlen's house. Her manager didn't care much for uniform, as long as her workers wore decent smart-casual clothing. Kimi opened her wardrobe, when one of the doors came off it's hinges.

" _Balls..."_ she whispered in a frustrated tone, making sure to not wake up Bethany. She sighed and put the door on the floor.

"Why does everything in this house fall apart…" she said in a depressed tone. She dug out a plain black t-shirt and a tartan pleated skirt from the now broken wardrobe, and went into the drawers below to get a pair of black tights and knickers. Kimi then picked up the bra that she had flung carelessly the night before and proceed to the bathroom.

She had a quick shower ridding the grease from her hair and face, using bubblegum scented shampoo and shower gel. She then towel dried her body and hair and got dressed quickly in case Gamlen was awake. Her t-shirt was tucked into the skirt which slightly emphasised her bust, the skirt sat between the bottom of her bra and belly button, and rested at mid thigh level. The tights she chose were about 50 denier, and she was pretty sure they were in fact Bethany's.

Kimi then went back to her bedroom and too the corner where a tall mirror stood, and applied her concealer, foundation and powder to her face and neck, adding 3 shades of plum eyeshadow and black mascara to her eyes afterwards - then applied a generous amount of _Lynx Attract_ which she fetched from her rucksack on the floor.

She checked herself over and picked up the locket that hung from a nail hammered in the frame - the locket that her deceased father gave to her before he died.

Malcolm Hawke was killed in a hit and run by a suspected drunk driver, after taking Bethany to her friend's party. The rest of the Hawke family just made it to the Hospital before the surgeons took him away for surgery, when Malcolm decided in his semi-conscious state, due to blood loss, to give Kimi the locket that was given to him by his father, ' _just in case'_ he said.

He died on the operating table, and his family never truly recovered.

Kimi grabbed her small tan leather rucksack, put her phone in there and ran downstairs to the shoe rack underneath the staircase. She put on her black monochrome sneakers - before glancing at the clock that hung slanted on the wall, which read 7:20AM. ' _I won't have time to eat breakfast after all',_ she thought disappointedly _._ The café opened at 9AM, but her work started an hour earlier, preparing the tables and cutlery, and cooking the pastries and cakes that the café served.

Kimi grabbed her keys from a pot that sat on the end table next to the front door and went out the house, locking the door behind her. In Gamlen's neighbourhood it was better to keep doors and windows locked even if people are still inside.

She began the five minute walk to the train station, hopped on the train to Hightown and began the forty minute train ride to her workplace, listening to her music playlist that consisted of multiple genres of music - some rock, pop, J-rock and K-pop both from anime openings and genuine interest in the genres, and some alternative bands and groups. She was disturbed from her disguised headbanging when she heard her phone _ping_ \- a message from the _Hard in Hightown_ group chat.

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:25AM**

\- Anyone else is awake at this fine hour?

She couldn't get over the fact his username was named after his rescue cat, even after 6 months of knowing the guy. She replied awkwardly whilst trying not to fall over; the train was crammed full at this hour, busy with all kinds of people getting to work - however this was the 7:24 train from Lowtown to Hightown, so there were a lot of funny characters riding with her.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 7:26AM**

\- me me me :'3

\- otw to work as usual at this *CORRECTION* unruly hour :')

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:30AM**

\- hahaha Hawke

\- appreciate the morning sun before you develop blindness 10 years from now from playing too much DA Online…

\- trust me im a doctor ;-)

Anders was fun to talk to, when he wasn't preaching about mage rights in the game. He spoke in a calming way much like Varric, but the dwarf with more charisma. She had thought the reason Anders worked as a doctor was partly due to his kind and understanding personality.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 7:31AM**

\- I assure you I don't play THAT much :)

\- and that's the job of my optician, not you :P

**Anders [ser_pounce_alot], 7:31AM**

\- oh rly? so how long did you, Varric, and Aveline farm/train for?

\- im sorry for tapping out so early on, I needed an early night

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 7:33AM**

\- errm…

\- dont scream at me pweese

\- ...

\- 5AM BUT I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW I SWEAR!

Kimi held her phone in her hand by her side, she was genuinely scared that Anders would shout at her, when he was angry he was like an infuriated parent or teacher - which was why she tried not to annoy him as much as possible. All of a sudden her phone began to vibrate, playing the start of _Unravel_. She glanced at her phone to see that Anders was calling her, she mentally prepared herself for the screaming that was about to come from the speaker and-

"HAZEL HAWKE YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE IF YOU WERE MY CHILD YOU WOULD BE ASLEEP BY 9PM I SWEAR ON MY LIFE VARRIC AND THE GUARD CAPTAIN HAVE NO COMMON SENSE KEEPING YOU UP SO LATE ON A WORK NIGHT AAGGHHH-", Anders ranted a bit more until Kimi interrupted him.

"Anders you _know_ I prefer being called Hawke or Kimi, it's _soooooo_ much cuter than Hazel, I mean my eyes aren't even the slightest bit hazel they're blue - a dazzling pale blue at that!" she grinned at herself before talking again and hearing Anders chuckle lightly from the other end of the call.

"And secondly you aren't my mother" she pouted. "I mean, there's been an opening as the role of a father for a while now but I don't thi-"

"No! No! That's horrible Hawke don't even suggest that! _Honestly_ you have no filter!" he exclaimed down the phone.

Her mobile pinged again but she ignored it, continuing her humourous conversation with Anders.

" _Perish_ the thought, I think you're a bit too young for my mother's taste. She prefers… you know… a man with a backbone…" Her phone pinged again and this time she minimised the call and opened the group chat.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:37AM**

\- I agree. It is not beneficial to your health, Hawke.

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:37AM**

\- At last we agree on something… _broody elf xD_

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:38AM**

\- Yes, it appears so.

\- You are aware of Varric hacking my account, yet you persist on teasing me?

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:38AM**

\- Ur using your cell aren't you? Let's take this to group call ..insert angry emoji..

' _Group call? Oh no Fenris is gonna join the call and I'm gonna hear his voice for the first time!'_ Kimi thought panicking at the realisation.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:39AM**

\- I cannot at the moment.

\- Do not assume that this is me backing out at the chance of putting you in your place, _mage._

\- I believe it is illegal to phone call and drive, am I right?

\- Wait. Who are you in a call to?

Kimi didn't know if she was sad or relieved that he couldn't call. She wanted to hear his voice so much that if she knew his address she would mail him a headset.

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot] 7:40AM**

\- I use a bluetooth earpiece when I drive, I'm stuck in traffic anyway so technically I'm not driving :I

\- And I'm not telling

\- You'll have to join the call to find out :)

' _No Anders I'm not mentally prepared you can't do this to me what if I have a coughing fit and -'_ her thought path was interrupted by a deep, husky voice coming through her cell phone.

"There, _mage_ , are you satisfied now? This is Fenris speaking, who else is present?" Fenris spoke to the conference call.

"Oh fuck", Kimi thought weakly, then realised she had in fact spoke the said thought out loud.

"Oh! Hi Fenris... umm this is... Hawke… hello" she managed to say, she heard a strange sound come from her phone, then it registered that the sound was a chuckle, _Fenris's chuckle._

"You greeted me twice, Hawke" he said in a lighter tone than before, but the huskiness remained.

' _He must have just woken up',_ she thought.

Kimi laughed nervously. "So I did… I'm sorry I just… I haven't heard you speak before… it surprised me", she stammered, her voice still quivering. ' _Why am I so nervous?!'_

"I see", Fenris replied, sounding if he was contemplating something, "Was it a good surprise?"

Kimi gasped, nearly twisting her ankle as she stepped off the train.' _Is he flirting with me? What am I supposed to say to that?!'_

"I… erm… yes? I mean… I haven't heard it before so I didn't know what you sounded like… but now I do so… yes"

"Hmm…"

"Erm hello… you aren't the only ones in the conference call… I mean if you guys want some alone ti-" Anders butted into their conversation, and Kimi mentally thanked him for doing so, until she registered what he had said.

"NO!" Fenris and Kimi said simultaneously.

"I… uhh I'm at work now so I've gotta go… bye!", she said nervously as she hung up. She wasn't really close to the shop, she was about three blocks away.

She couldn't believe it, she smiled to herself reminiscing on the prior conversation. Her wish had finally come true - Fenris's voice was so dark and mysterious that she wondered what he looked like; in all the anime she had watched, the characters with deeper voices were usually the attractive ones. She tried to picture his face, but no image suited the voice, he sounded well educated - which was reflected in the way he would type messages, using excellent grammar. Kimi tried to calm herself, but her heart refused to. A _ping_ came from her phone - another message from the group chat, one that didn't help her situation at all. Another followed.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:53AM**

\- Have a good day at work, Hawke.

' _Oh Maker',_ her heart started racing again, she could now read his messages in his voice.

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:54AM**

\- I'm pretty sure she heard you before she hung up

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:54AM**

\- I merely wanted to make sure she did hear me.

\- If she didn't then it would be rude if I said nothing.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 7:55AM**

\- Guuyyys!

\- I thought you two stopped this whole angst business :'(

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:55AM**

\- He insists 'mage' is 'simply a nickname'

\- So I insist that 'broody' is mine :)

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 7:56AM**

\- Ah I see your friendship is blooming nicely :'3

\- It brings tears to my eyes I'm so proud

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:56AM**

\- I assure you, Hawke, that our relations with each other are far from friendship.

\- However, the mage's presence is becoming more tolerable, I will admit that much.

**Anders [sir_pounce_alot], 7:57AM**

\- I

\- Erm

\- Thank you Fenris… I guess I could eventually regard you as a friend… I suppose

' _Oh my gosh Anders stop being so stubborn'_ she grimaced.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 7:57AM**

\- If we are talking in terms of future, I would like to become friends with everyone in the guild.

She smiled at her phone screen, Fenris had said previously that all the clans he had been with before were either half dead or so absorbed in lore it was cringeworthy. This was the first guild where he could have friends, Kimi had thought at the time - and now he was beginning to make them. She wondered how Fenris viewed the relationship between her and himself.

With her face flushed red at the thought she opened the doors to the café - the mixed smells of coffee and cake hit her instantly. It was a modern café despite being situated on the border of Darktown and Hightown, so they got a mixture of customers coming through every day. It had a contemporary theme with dark floors and white walls, yet somehow still felt cosy. She walked towards the staff room, before a dark haired woman approached her with her arms crossed.

"What a pleasant surprise, the girl who always lectures others for being late to work is… let me see… one minute and thirty four seconds late" Morrigan sneered at her. "And what's this? You're flustered! Don't tell me you had a quick _scuffle_ before you arriv-"

"I DID NOT!" Kimi shouted "You know I don't _have_ anyone!" she pouted. She went into the staff room, got the key to her locker out her bag and opened it. She looked at her phone and typed a reply before putting both her phone and bag in her locker.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 8:02AM**

\- I'd like that, Fenris :')

She put on her white apron that hung from her peg and left the staff room. A loud growl came from her stomach which even Morrigan heard, and she was at the other end of the counter by the coffee machines several feet away.

"Hungry are we Hazel?" Morrigan mocked, whilst setting up the machines.

"Yes, I am, I didn't know you were so concerned in my health." Kimi replied. "Do you think Meredith will allow me to have breakfast for free?"

"Did you actually ask that?" Morrigan scoffed. "She would much sooner make a deal with demons to replace us workers". Kimi laughed wholeheartedly, their manager was an old crone like that.

"True, ah I'll just buy a panini before nine, at least then she can't complain about _losing money_ or something like that." She sighed before making two large round sponge cakes and putting them in in the oven behind the counter. It was Kimi's suggestion that the ovens and counters where they made and decorated the cakes and pastries should be visible to customers, as it would give them a reason to come into the shop and stay longer. Some customers even filmed them decorating the deserts, which she thought was strange; their café was famous in Kirkwall, but she didn't think decorating was that interesting to watch.

It was soon 9AM, and the morning rush of people came flooding in.

"Where is Zevran? He was supposed to be in an hour ago!" she shouted over to Morrigan and Feynriel - he was an apprentice but a skilled one.

"I don't know where that blighted man is! Text him!"

Morrigan said above the hubbub of angry customers late for work no doubt.

The doors to the café swung open, and a windswept Zevran entered and disappeared into the staff room without saying a word.

"I wonder what's wrong with him…" she mumbled to herself.

"Don't think too hard Kimi, you're in charge of food and a LOT of people are ordering", said Feynriel. He was one of the little people who actually called her by her nickname.

"Don't fret, I am here! Morrigan give me the orders, I shall have them done." said a thick Antivan accent.

"Zevran! You made me jump! Thank the Maker you're here", she hugged Zevran quickly and worked through the growing amount of orders.

It was nearing lunch time when Zevran asked her what got her so flustered.

"How did you know? Did Morrigan tell you?" she asked.

"Yes, you are usually so bubbly and… how do you weebs say it? _Kawaii._ " Zevran mocked. Customers came in much more slowly before lunch, then got busy again around 12PM.

"Ahh, well there's this guy… you know my guild?" she started.

"Ah, yes, _Hard in Hightown_ , am I correct?", Zevran used to play DA Online, but his social life soon took priority over playing.

"Yeah, this guy joined a little after I did and he's got that dark and mysterious personality and he doesn't have a headset or camera so no one knows what he looks like or sounds like and me and Anders were talking in a group chat call and he just joined AND I HEARD HIS VOICE AND IT'S SO SEXY UGHH", she blurted, repeatedly hitting her head off the counter to hide her flushed face, whilst Zevran was laughing hysterically - a couple customers turned to look at him giving disgusted looks. He finally calmed down and put his hands on her shoulders, looking at her seriously.

"So, you lust after this man, yes?", he dead-panned. Kimi choked on air and grabbed a handful of flour that she was using to make more muffins, and threw it in his face - forgetting that a CCTV camera was stationed directly above the counters were.

"HAZEL HAWKE COME TO THE OFFICE THIS INSTANT!", exclaimed her manager, Meredith.

"Oh shit…" she whispered and slapped her hands to her face, realising half her face was now white with flour.

"Have fun, my Hawke" Zevran jested, wiping off the flour with several tea towels.

She made her way to her boss's office and closed the door behind her. Nothing could prepare her for when her manager lectured, it was much worse than Anders.

"Care to explain why I just witnessed one of MY employees throwing condiments into another employee's FACE?", Meredith said sternly.

"I… umm… no.", she couldn't exactly tell her she was 'lusting after a man'.

"Good, because I don't care. See to it that you control your anger in the future, we have a reputation, Hawke. Now, leave."

Kimi fled out of Meredith's office and closed the door behind her, exhaling the breath she was subconsciously holding, quickly wiping the exceas flour from her face.

"Hazel, you have a customer, Feynriel went on his lunch break so it's just you doing the food for now", said Morrigan, with a lack of sympathy.

"Ah, okay." she replied and walked over to the counter, willing the tears that were forming in her eyes away, not taking notice of the appearance of the man stood at the front of the cue.

"Hi! What can I get you?", she gave him one of her signature grins, which fell from her face when she actually _looked_ at the man standing in front of her.

He had bleach white ruffled hair, tanned skin and large moss green eyes. His face was perfectly chiseled, yet soft at the same time, his ears slightly pointed. He wore a black crew neck t-shirt, grey hoodie and faded black slim fit jeans, with white monochrome _Vans_ \- as she saw from slyly peeking over the edge of the counter.

Kimi's eyes widened at the resemblance to a certain person's avatar. ' _It can't be…'_ she thought, she was snapped out of her hazed state when the man spoke.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are not familiar with online gaming, in this fic if you see a (G), it means guild chat, i.e. what the person has said if visible to the whole guild. If you see a (W), it means whisper chat, so only the person who has spoken and who they are speaking to can see the chat.

"Is there something wrong?", he asked while smirking, and there was no doubt about it - it was the same voice she had heard and spoken to in the morning. He was looking at her intently, leaning against the table.

"I… umm… no, I'm sorry hahaha, what did you want?" she asked nervously, ' _He sounds just like him! How can I be a hundred percent sure it's Fenris though?_ ' she pondered.

"A slice of that Victoria Sponge, please", he half-smiled at her still leaning against the counter, and lifted his finger in the direction of the said cake. She didn't know why but that subtle movement was so hot and his smile was so genuine that she didn't care if he was or wasn't Fenris.

"Ah, sure thing", she smiled back closing her eyes, then moved to cut the sponge cake but he interrupted her as she was about to slice it.

"I'm sorry, could I… erm… could you include that strawberry when you cut it? Please?"

' _He stammered! Oh my gosh he stammered!_ '. She was screaming inside, struggling to stay composed.

"Ah, sure!" slicing the cake she asked, "are you eating in or taking away?", when she got no reply she looked up and noticed he was staring at her. They both blushed, and she kept avoiding eye contact, to break the awkwardness he said he was eating in. She placed the cake on a small plate, and put a long fork next to it.

"Here," she slid the plate across the counter to him "that's two silvers, please", she said smiling and cocked her head to the side slightly to emphasise it. He gave her the money by sliding it on the table like she did, and she mentally thanked him, ' _I don't know what I would have done if our hands brushed together_ '.

The man sat down and began to eat his cake, and she sneaked over to Zevran and nudged his arm multiple times slyly. She spoke to Zevran about most things that happened in her life, mainly because they saw each other on a daily basis so she thought she may as well open up to him. Sure, she saw Morrigan just as often, but she made it obvious that she would never open up to Kimi - not that she minded, she rather not hear Morrigan's opinions about her life.

"Yes, yes, what is it I have customers to attend to." She look at him puzzled and gestured to the non-existent line.

"Okay you got me, what is it?", he said jokingly.

"The guy over there I think is the same guy I was talking about and I think he knows that I know him but I don't know if I know or if he knows that he knows me.", she blurted.

"... I don't get it", he said "say it again but talk slowly."

"The guy sat over _there_ ," she gestured slyly towards where the Fenris look-alike was sitting, "I have a feeling that's the guy I was talking to earlier, I mean he looks exactly like his avatar - minus the elf ears, obviously" she whispered, becoming overly paranoid that the Fenris doppelganger would hear.

"Well, how do you intend on proving its him? What if he isn't him? I sense a series of failed plans", he half smiled.

"I don't know…" she pondered, until she came up with an idea, "Aha!" she ducked behind the counter when she realised how loud her 'eureka' moment was, and that most of the customers turned to look at her, including that guy.

"Yes?", asked an amused Zevran, helping her back up.

"The group chat! I'll message it, if I see him look at his phone I'll know it's him!" she stood there, proud of her idea.

"That would be a good plan if your phone wasn't in your locker, also how would you know he isn't looking at another message?"

"I won't, I'll start chatting to him, it'll be obvious then, and _duhh_ , I'll go on my break now and-"

"No! Hazel you can't leave me please it's nearly time for the lunch rush!" he put his hands on her shoulders, shaking her violently.

"I'll be like 5 minutes… he's nearly finished his cake! I'll be right back I promise!" she said, hurrying to the staff room to get her mobile and some change for her lunch. She came back, sat at the counter with a tuna sandwich she bought, and messaged the group chat.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 12:12AM**

\- Ahh

\- Finally lunch time :'3

She took her scrunchie out her hair and re-tied it back up, to make herself look busy whilst she watched him. She thought he saw him reach into his jacket pocket, which was draped over the back of his chair when… a flood of people came into the café, asking for several types of coffee and demanding all kinds of cake.

The lunchtime rush.

"ZEVRAN HELP ME PLEASE OH MAKER!", she squeaked, being swarmed by customers. She saw Feynriel enter through the door, and he came to the counter next to her.

"Where have you been? Your lunch break finished ages ago?!", Kimi demanded, hiding her phone under the counter and finishing her lunch.

"I'm sorry… I went to the library close by to bring back a book, but got caught up with chatting to the librarian", he said apologetically, whilst handing people food they observed and taking the money they owed.

"Ah, it's fine…", she trailed off, she was watching the Fenris look-alike leave through the doors to the shop, but before he stepped out he turned to her and mouthed a 'thank you', gave her a half-smile and left.

* * *

It was around half past two when the lunch rush finished. Kimi sat at one of the tables, repeatedly hitting her forehead off of it in defeat.

"I missed him, and only Aveline and Isabella replied to my message… the plan failed.", she said to Zevran in a depressed tone.

"Ah, but you will surely have more opportunities, no?" he said reassuringly. "You said you conference called with him earlier, so why don't you just call him?"

"I… can't… that's too awkward, I'd need a reason to anyways", she replied. 'You can't just call a guy, can you?'

"I think that's a good enough reason…" Zevran pointed to the seat the guy was sat at, and Kimi followed where he was pointing when her eyes rested on a grey hoodie that was draped over the chair. 'He forgot his coat… so he's attractive and forgetful!'

She walked over to his seat and picked up the hoodie, it weighed lighter than she expected it to be. ' _This is toooooo good to be true_ ' she thought. She now had a reason to talk to Fenris. ' _But how am I supposed to bring up the topic, "oh hey this guy that looked like your character came to the shop, is it you?" that would just be weird._ ' She sighed again. As if reading her mind, Zevran strolled over to her and spoke.

"You video call the guild whilst playing, am I correct? Wear the jacket, and get someone to comment on it-"

"How would that work…", she butted in, slumping into the seat that guy had sat in, "he wouldn't comment on it, if anything it would just look like any other hoodie", she sighed, and smelled the said jacket. It smelled like mint, with a hint of BO, and jam from the cake he just ate. She had so little hope it would work, her life had been so full of disappointment that she wasn't fazed by life's poor outcomes anymore. 'But it couldn't hurt to have a little hope, could it?' a small beacon of hope spoke to the darkness inside her. It was true, the worst that could happen was everything would go back to normal, and it wasn't like she was in love with him. Her inhibition and anxiety were completely unnecessary.

"I'll give it a try, I mean there is two stripes on both the arms, it should be distinct enough for him to at least acknowledge it looks like his," she tried to smile in her sudden wave of hopefulness, "but he doesn't have a webcam or headset, how can he see it…"

"You can Skype on mobile, you silly girl," Zevran mused, he sat down on the chair facing hers, "tell him to download it and prop his phone up on something whilst he plays", he deadpanned.

Kimi's eyes widened at the realisation. ' _I've been waiting six fucking months to see him and… ughh!_ '

"Zevran you're a genius! I'll message the chat when my shift is over!" she swung her arms around him. Any ordinary person would have assumed they were in a relationship, or were at least flirting, but Zevran was very clear he wasn't attracted to anyone at the moment. Kimi would hear him talk about his visits to clubs to pick up guys guys and girls, with his best friends Cousland and Alistair, but he never spoke about bringing people home. The thought crossed her mind that he was in fact asexual, but upon asking him he insisted he wasn't. That was mainly the reason she could talk to him about guys, he wasn't biased like other people. He wouldn't just side with her or the other party, he would tell her how it was from his perspective.

"You are welcome, my Hawke", he replied, hugging her back.

The rest of the day went by quickly, she glanced at the large, metal clock that hung on the wall, and noticed her shift had finished. Kimi picked up her phone that was still hidden underneath the counter, went to the staff room, took off her apron, grabbed her bag and left, saying goodbye to her co-workers. Kimi finished earlier than the rest of her co-workers due to her arguing to Meredith about needing to leave early to babysit her sister at home, in case her mother wasn't there. Meredith didn't know that Bethany was fourteen years old, and could easily look after herself; Kimi just wanted more time to play her MMORPG. She looked at her phone to see multiple new messages from the chat, but seeing that Fenris hadn't said anything she only looked at the most recent message.

**Varric [bianca's_man], 14:56PM**

\- Who's playing tonight then?

\- I found a tonne of new quests from the Red Iron

\- That quest line is dragging on imo …

**Aveline [vallen], 14:58PM**

\- I should be free later, I might have to cover for someone at the station though.

\- I'll let you know.

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 14:59PM**

\- U know im always free varric x ;)

\- Tell me when ur online xx

\- Aveline 4get about work for once have some fuuun!

**Aveline [vallen], 14:59PM**

\- Isabella I need to work to afford the money to have electricity to play the game.

\- So I will prioritize my work at the station over DA Online, so that I can play DA Online.

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:00PM**

\- Noo Aveline went bad cop :'(

\- Kimi do something !

**Kimi [kimi_chan] 15:00PM**

\- Aveline I've only just left work and you've already made Izzy upset :'(

\- I'm disappointed in u -_-

Kimi had walked outside and temporarily put her phone down on the table outside the café, the outdoor seating was hardly used in Autumn. She regretted only wearing a t-shirt, and eyed Fenris' doppelganger's hoodie she was holding. 'If he didn't come back for it all day then he obviously didn't find it important', she put on the jacket and instantly felt warmer, whether it was the fact she put on another layer of clothing or the possibility that she could potentially be wearing Fenris' jacket, she didn't know. She began walking to the train station when her phone pinged again.

**Aveline [vallen], 15:01PM**

\- Whatever, I finished my bathroom break, I'll talk later.

\- :-)

**Fenris [broody_elf], 15:05PM**

\- I'm playing right now with Merrill.

\- I mean not with Merrill, but she's online and I'm playing with her.

\- I should be able to play later as well, the library closes at 9PM on Saturdays.

' _Play it cool Kimi, casually bring up the topic_ ' she thought.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:06PM**

\- Aww, you're getting along :'3

\- I bet one day you'll be able to fight alongside an army of mages ;)

**Fenris [broody_elf], 15:06PM**

\- I will much sooner find out my character is a blood mage, summon an army of demons, then slaughter all mages.

\- And after that delete my character from the game as a form of suicide.

\- :-)

' _He put a fucking happy face oh my gosh oh my gosh!_ ', she fangirled as she approached the train station.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:07PM**

\- Ouch… :(

\- What's with all the normally serious people putting happy emojis today :/

\- Did something happen?

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:08PM**

\- No, I think your phone call brightened his day ;-)

\- What did you talk about anyways… dirty broody things?

**Fenris [broody_elf], 15:08PM**

\- No, I was perfectly content before, and no, not until the mage brought up getting a room.

\- Which, might I add, was not needed.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:09PM**

\- How did you know Izzy?

\- And Fenris you did… kinda… ask if …

\- Nvm it wasn't that dirty

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:09PM**

\- Kimi I'm jealouuuuuss

\- U and Anders are the only ppl that have heard Fenris talk :(

\- I wanna hear... D'X

\- What does it sound like?

Her train pulled into the station, and she was about to board it when she saw a familiar figure. 'Gamlen… shit, fuck, he's been at the Blooming Rose all day?' she thought anxiously. It was the only logical reason why someone like Gamlen was in Hightown, and why he was struggling to walk on a straight line. She looked around for anywhere to hide, and noticed he was boarding the train too. She backed away from the train and pulled the hood of the jacket over her head to hide her face, and turned away from him. The hoodie was a men's size large, she figured, as it was long enough to cover her backside, and the hood was so big it rested on her nose. She let the smell of the man's hoodie calm her nerves as she sat on a bench, hiding her face from the window of Gamlen's train as it pulled away. It was twenty minutes until the next one.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:12PM**

\- Isabella I saw Gamlen holy crap

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:12PM**

\- Fuck Hawkey… did he see you? Xx

\- I was wondering why you didn't reply :'/

\- Are you okay? Where are you?

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:13PM**

\- I don't know, someone left a jacket at the café and they didn't come back for it so I wore it

\- It's big enough on me that when I pull the hood up you can't see my face so I don't think he saw me

\- I'm okay now, I'm at Hightown Station :')

She didn't realise that she was still using the group chat, and forgot that Fenris wasn't AFK. She had just told both of her secrets, and now he knew that she could be wearing his clothing. It also registered that only Isabella knew about Gamlen, and now she was going to have to tell Fenris if he asked. Her hands began to shake again at the thought of him freaking out if she told him, but the ping from her phone broke her thoughts.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 15:15PM**

\- Can you send a picture?

\- I went to a café today after going to gym, I left my jacket there accidentally.

\- I'll need to see it to know that it belongs to me.

Her heart sank in her chest and she felt when more nauseous than when she saw Gamlen minutes before. ' _He wants to see me! I don't look attractive though... my makeup is blotchy and the lighting here isn't good and-_ '

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:16PM**

\- Aww the elf wants to see your pretty face :')

\- Well Kimi send a pic, I haven't seen you for ages since my webcam broke xx

\- Well... send it then !

She opened her camera app and took a selfie, the hood was still covering half her face so she held it up, she smiled genuinely and took the picture and sent it. She kept wondering what he would say, it felt like forever had passed when she got a notification.

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:18PM**

\- AWW MY BABY UR SO ADORABLE xxxxxxxx

\- I just want to cuddle you ur like a little kitten

\- Ur literally the :'3 emoji personified ughhh

**Fenris [broody_elf], 15:18PM**

\- It seems I did leave my jacket at your café.

\- I don't know when I will be going there next, you you can keep it for the moment.

Her face flushed red and time felt like it had stopped, she had seen him, and she was the only one in the guild who had. Her heart was beating way too fast for it to be healthy and she tried to calm herself down. ' _Why am I reacting like this, I don't have a childish crush or anything, do I? Oh Maker I think I do! Okay, Kimi just breathe slowly, breathe, it isn't helping-_ '

Her train approached and she walked towards the platform edge, when her phone pinged again. She ignored it, fearing what she might type in the state she was in, and hopped on the train. She managed to find a seat, she sat down and plugged in her earphones, selected a random song and opened the chat.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 15:19PM**

\- And I agree, it does look… cute on you.

\- Keep it, I have others.

' _Zevran... what am I supposed to do now_ '

* * *

Kimi got home at around 4PM, and was welcomed by her mother telling her that she shouldn't be working all day just so they could earn enough money to move out of Gamlen's house. She replied, as always, by telling her that they don't receive enough income from her mother's dressmaking business - they might have done in Ferelden, but Kirkwall's culture was much different. After the discussion had finished, she kicked off her shoes and was about to run upstairs when her mother noticed her new zip up hoodie.

"Where did you get that? In Hightown?", she enquired. She walked over and touched the soft fabric. Kimi flinched, saying "Ah, no, it's not mine… it got chilly when I left the café so I asked if I could borrow one of… Feynriel's! - he's an apprentice.", she made up on the spot.

"Well tell him I said he has good taste," her mother smiled, "and good perfume! Is that mint?", she asked.

"Ah, yes, I will… anyways gotta go bye!" she said quickly, and hurried up the stairs, into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. She didn't know why she was lying to her mother, she knew she would disapprove of her meeting people from an online game, so it wasn't as if she had anything to lose.

"Why hello there sister!" Bethany said from her bed. "Why did you close the door so quickly? You made me jump".

"It's a long story Beth!", she grinned. Bethany was four years younger than herself, but was much more attractive than she was at her age. She wore her hair in pigtails all the time, and had a more petite face than Kimi's. Bethany would watch her play DA Online occasionally, confused by the people talking over the in-game music, so Kimi had introduced her to the guild; Isabella was the most excited to see her, they would all play together in Ferelden after school in the surrounding fields. She was brought out of reminiscing on old memories by Bethany's hand waving in her face.

"Sister! Can you help me with my homework? It's math, you know I'm terrible…" she whined.

Kimi took of her bag and placed it on the floor, "Yes, but let me get changed first, I smell of petrol fumes and alcohol just from walking down the street." She grimaced, stripping off her clothes and throwing them under her bed, and putting on a white tank top and pastel pink running shorts that she dug out from her now broken wardrobe. She also put on Fenris' hoodie again, ' _He did say I could keep it_ ', she reasoned.

She helped Bethany with her homework until around half past five, when their mother called them downstairs for dinner. It was spaghetti bolognese, with crusty bread. Her family all sat round the dinner table, that had numerous stains and burns in from Gamlen's cigarettes. The dinner conversation was varied, Bethany spoke of her day at school, apparently an altercation occurred with her friends, and Leandra was advising her how to sort out the conflict. It was interrupted, however, when Gamlen asked their mother when they were going to start contributing to paying the rent. Leandra was speechless to say the least, and Kimi flashed him a look which she knew he would understand, ' _you know about our deal_ ', she wordlessly expressed. However, he gave her a look in return, ' _piss off, you aren't worth it_ '. Leandra begged him to forget about the rent, arguing that she paid for his food and that was enough, but he wouldn't let it go, until Kimi spoke up.

"If you no longer want us here, then we'll be on our way - and you can get back to buying your own food and alcohol, on top of paying your other bills." she argued.

Gamlen turned to her mother "Leandra, tell your girl to keep her mouth shut in front of her elders…" he then turned his soulless eyes back to Kimi, "and you, girl, I know a bluffing man when I see one, you don't have a sovereign to your name and you know it", he slurred, still drunk from his visit to the Blooming Rose.

"If I had money don't you think I would have hidden it from you, of all people? I was working at the café part time before my gap year, and on top of earning 4 sovereigns an hour, that means in total I have approximately nine thousand sovereigns, which put with mother's savings is more than enough for a mortgage on a house near Hightown. So, still think I'm bluffing?". She shouted across the table, breathing heavily after exhausting every breath in her lungs trying to prove her point. She bore into Gamlen's eyes, waiting for a reply.

"If you're so rich, why are you still here?", he accused, his face bright red from anger.

"Ask mother, because I would have left as soon as I had the money", she sat back down in her seat, realising she had rose from her seat in her rage, and finished off her spaghetti. Her hands were shaking from nervousness, she didn't really have the money, about 2 thousand gold pieces to her name - and if Gamlen was to demand to see the large amount she insisted she had, she would probably die from embarrassment..

Kimi left the table, picking up her plate and placing it in the kitchen sink before running upstairs and switching on her PC. She opened up Skype and noticed no one was online, 'meaning that Fenris is online in-game', she didn't know whether to be happy or apprehensive. It was 6PM, so Fenris could only play for another three hours before the library he played at closed. Kimi double-clicked the game icon and waited for it to load, selected her character and hit play. She sat in her chair and sunk into it, wrapping herself in the blanked that was draped on the back of the seat. Her character finished loading and she looked at her surroundings. She was at the doors of the Deep Roads, where she had finished playing last. Kimi looked at the in-game chat; Varric, Isabella, Merrill and Fenris were online, and the two girls were trying to persuade Varric to tell them who Bianca was.

**[kimi_chan]** (G) hey guys :') he isn't gonna tell u, i tried before :'(

**[xbella_69x]** (G) oh he will Hawkey, it's a matter of time :'3

She laughed at the screen, she always wondered who Bianca was, and why it was Varric's username.

**[bianca's_man]** (G) hey Hawke, you up for the Red Iron quest?

**[bianca's_man]** (G) we started already but I can warp you here

**[kimi_chan]** (G) yh okay :)

She waited to get warped to Varric's location, and whispered to Isabella.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [xbella_69x]_ guess what happened

**[xbella_69x]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ what? you actually got laid? ;) x

**[kimi_chan]** (W) _[xbella_69x]_ no… you know i dont have anyone!

**[kimi_chan]** (W) _[xbella_69x]_ long story short Gamlen asked mother about rent, mum said she paid for our family by buying and cooking him food, i told him to fuck off - may have told him i had enough money to move our family out, and he said fuck off back :/

**[xbella_69x]** (W) _[kimi_chan]_ Hawkey… xx

**[xbella_69x]** (W) _[kimi_chan]_ just film him doing… what he does… and get him locked up :-* x

**[kimi_chan]** (W) _[xbella_69x]_ i wish it was that easy, he'd come after us no doubt, and mother would disown me if she found out i let Gamlen do… things

Varric had warped her to a building in the docks at night. Apparently they had to dispose of a rival mercenary group, which mean killing all the members. Varric had said completing it granted 20,000XP per guild member.

**[bianca's_man]** (G) okay, broody and Izzy charge in, Daisy you go in after but hang back we don't want you to die

**[jollydaisies]** (G) okay :'D

Merrill was so eager to do everything, her sweetness obscured the fact she chose the blood mage specialisation - one of the hardest in the online game. It meant the user has a random chance of spawning demons onto the battlefield, meaning more enemies to kill for the guild. Blood mages also drained health from surrounding players if low on mana, hence Varric telling her to hang back. Despite the consequences of such a specialization, Merrill was an adept player.

**[bianca's_man]** (G) me and Hawke will then enter, keeping to the shadows and backing up the elf and Izzy, everyone understand?

**[broody_elf]** (G) I understand.

**[jollydaisies]** (G) Yep!

**[kimi_chan]** (G) sure…

**[xbella_69x]** (G) whatever you say Varric xx

Fenris and Isabella charged in, the elf activating his lyrium markings and cleaving through the mercenaries - whilst the rogue kicked up and smashed a smoke bomb and became invisible, assassinating the foes. Merrill shortly entered, shooting several large boulders she spawned at clusters of enemies, and engulfed the battlefield in a firestorm. Kimi and Varric entered last, Varric fired several arrows coated in poison at the foes attacking Fenris, making it easier for him to plough through them, whilst Kimi did the same for Isabella, but found it much, much, harder to keep up. Isabella kept coming into her sight, then disappearing, and before she knew it the rogue was running out of health potions to use.

**[xbella_69x]** (G) kimi fkn back me up!

**[kimi_chan]** (G) im trying ur too fast

**[xbella_69x]** (G) kimi n varric switch places then

**[bianca's_man]** (G) sure

Varric and Kimi switched places, activating an invisibility potion so they couldn't be seen. Fenris was much easier to follow, mainly because he attracted attention to himself on purpose. He would coax the main enemies to attack him, taking the most damage, whilst the rest of the guild either charged with him or backed him up.

She realised she was distracted by the elf's movements, his character's dexterity level was high to say the least, and turned her attention back to fighting- when she saw the battle had finished, with Fenris lying on the floor, dead. Everyone else received the XP automatically, but Fenris was deceased at the time of completing the battle, so he earned none.

**[broody_elf]** (G) What happened, Hawke?

**[broody_elf]** (G) You were meant to back me up, but you let yourself get distracted!

**[broody_elf]** (G) You know what? You need training, Hawke.

**[bianca's_man]** (G) calm down broody, she must have something on her mind

Kimi was halfway through typing an apology when a notification saying Fenris had left the area popped up, and her screen went black, and a line of text flashed at the corner of her screen.

[Warping **[kimi_chan]** to **[broody_elf]** 's map location.]

' _Did he just anger warp me? Oh no, he warped me somewhere secret so he can lecture me in private…_ ' Her screen came back on and she looked at her surroundings, rotating her mouse to do so. She concluded that she was somewhere on the Wounded Coast, infamous for the odd bandit camp and Tal-Vashoth gang that players had to fight their way through. She turned back around to look at Fenris' character, facing her.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ Has anyone ever told you that you are a terrible archer?

The words cut through her like one of Isabella's blades. No, no one had ever said that to her, they would joke about it but no one had ever thought to say it. She stared at her screen, not knowing what to reply. She knew she was bad with tactics with the archer specialty, but she was so good with the bow and arrow in other games.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ I…

**[kimi_chan]** (W) _to_ _[broody_elf]_ I guess people think it but don't have the heart to tell me :/

**[broody_elf]** (W) _to_ _[kimi_chan]_  Good. That means I shall be the first to tell you more than once. You are a horrible archer. You can't back up people when there are more than a couple enemies to kill. You used rain of arrows on the background mercenaries just now!

Tears were forming in her eyes, it was like Meredith was scolding her all over again, but she actually liked Fenris, and now he was scolding her for not being able to play properly.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ Fenris I'm sorry I just … I like being an archer.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ Yes well liking the look of them doesn't make you good.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_... I know :/ I'm a lvl 50 though, shouldn't that make me good?

She truly didn't know why she was so bad, all the time spent in the Deep Roads with Varric and Aveline was for nothing if she couldn't put the perk she earned to good use.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  I am aware, and no, not if you don't know the combat tactics of your class.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ Look, I have played as almost every class in the game, have a total hours of gameplay of over 400, and have more lore knowledge than even you, I am betting.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ woah… you spend a lot of time at that library :'D

She was doubtful at first that he could have more lore knowledge than her, but he was a level 90. And him playing nearly every class available? How was he not a moderator or beta tester?

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ Hawke just… listen, please.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ I want to train you, Hawke. I feel this is the best way to put my knowledge to use, I have trained others before so I know what I'm doing. Most of it will compose of 1 on 1 combat, and I will try and integrate other guild members into this as well, once I figure out the best class for you.

She breathed in sharply, ' _best class for you_ '?

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ you want me to drop the archer class?

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  Yes. I'm not certain it is the class that fits your personality. In fact, I'm certain it doesn't. You must trust me Hawke, if I am to be your... mentor… I must have your complete trust.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ I… umm… I don't know…

Did she really want to change classes? She stared long and hard at the chat-box, her heart was beating too fast. She trusted Fenris, after all, the only time she saw him fall on the battlefield was when she wasn't there to defend him. ' _It could also mean you get closer to the man you lust after_ ', she heard an imaginary Zevran say in her mind. She didn't have anything to lose either, she had heard about an NCP that could change your class, as well as appearance - it wasn't like she would have to start over again from level one. She would just need to choose fifty new perks in whatever class she wanted. Kimi made her choice, and started typing on her keyboard.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ I want you to teach me Fenris :')

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to_   _[broody_elf]_  Fenris? :L

Five minutes had passed before he replied again, she kept an eye on her clock, thinking that he might have been kicked out of the library he was at, but it wasn't even half past seven. She picked up her phone and looked at the group chat, to see a very eager Isabella messaging.

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 7:02PM**

\- Hawkey!

\- What happened? Xx

\- U and Fenris just warped somewhere lol

\- r u havin angry player sex cuz u got him killed lol? ;) if u are I'll leave u too it aha xx

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 7:25PM**

\- eww! No Izzy were aren't *pukes*

\- He literally just told me im rubbish at being an archer and that he'd help me get better if I change classes :3

\- but now he's AFK ahaha :/

\- oh wait he's back byyyyeeee

She recieved a whisper notification and looked up at the monitor.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  I apologise, I thought I saw somebody I knew… and am trying to avoid.

' _Trying to avoid? Like a stalker?_ ' she thought, she tensed up as she typed a reply.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ it's okay :') who are you hiding from?

' _Shit, too far Kimi! He barely knows you!_ ' she swore inwardly,face-palming herself.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  I do not know if I can trust anyone with that information yet. It is a long and… emotional story.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ no no it's okay if you don't wanna tell anyone :)

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  No, I need to get this off my chest, I have never told anyone - apart from the librarian, she keeps the library open late just for me, and lets me use a study room so I am not interrupted.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  It will take me a while to type, so bear with me.

' _Now is your chance, Kimi!_ ', her mind went back to her conversation with Zevran about video calling.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_  wait! you know you can _Skype_ call from your phone, right? Download it and you can tell me on there :D

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ I was not aware, thank you Hawke :-)

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_  I will do that now.

"Fucking yes!", she screamed out loud, hardly able to contain her excitement.

"What are you fucking, sister?", she heard Bethany say from the door frame.

"Ohh, I just levelled up!", she reasoned.

"Oh, okay! Mum said tomorrow you have to wash the dishes, it was your day today... but you ran away…", Bethany trailed off.

"It's fine, I'll do tomorrow don't worry", Kimi smiled genuinely, pushing the memories of that evening's dinner aside. A notification came from her PC and she turned around to look at it.

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ It has finished downloading, what do I do now? How do I call you?

Her heart skipped a beat, she was about to become the first person to video call Fenris. Her hands started to shake with nervousness, and she told Bethany to 'have a shower or something' for her to be alone in their room.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ what is your username?

**[broody_elf]** _(W) to [kimi_chan]_ Fenris, it isn't a common name, when I saw it was available I had to have it. :-)

' _He's so cute_ ', she thought. Kimi quickly checked herself over, got her comb and brushed her full fringe into place. She then opened Skype, logged in and found his profile. ' _This is it_ ', she pressed video call.

**[kimi_chan]** _(W) to [broody_elf]_ im calling now :') prop your phone against something so you won't have to hold it for ages xd

She got no reply from the guild chat, instead, a terribly good looking man appeared in the corner of her screen, moss green eyes looking into her pale blue ones. The lighting of the room he was in only emphasised his tanned skin, his shabby white hair was nearly blinding. He was wearing the same clothes he wore that day she assumed, as he was still wearing the black crew neck top.

"It… it's you, it was you!", she stammered.

"I… yes. Hello, Hawke".


	3. Chapter Three I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEAAASE COMMENT/REVIEW THIS FIC, and give kudos if you liked it :'3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter word counts range from 5,000 - 8,000 words, I tried to keep it around 6,500 but sometimes there's a lot I want to put into a chapter and other times a chapter is straightforward. Hopefully reading will be easier on AO3 as there is the bookmark option unlike FFN.

"I… assume this is when I state the person who is looking for me…", said Fenris uncomfortably, he fidgeted in his seat waiting for a reply.

"Sure, I mean you don't have to if you aren't ready... -", replied Kimi, but got cut off by Fenris.

"No! I already stated I need to tell others, this… anger, anxiety, has been building up within me ever since I left him, and I am beginning to lose control of it. I have to tell you Hawke, I fear I'll lose my mind if I don't.", Fenris' hands were visibly shaking, and to disguise it he ran one through his hair.

Kimi didn't know what to expect, she had no experience in consoling friends - she never lost them after she moved to Kirkwall. It had taken six months to become his friend, and all of it could be wasted if she didn't say the right words.

"I'm listening, it's okay Fenris... take your time.", she advised, giving him a small smile, whilst nervously messing with the cuffs of Fenris' hoodie she was wearing. She heard him let out a long breath before he spoke again.

"Thank you, Hawke. I am unsure of where to start" he let out a small chuckle, "I guess I should begin by saying my name wasn't originally Fenris, but Leto… I haven't got the money to change it back legally, although it would slow down Danarius' efforts to find me. About six years ago, my mother became very ill very quickly, one day she stopped breathing entirely. I called an ambulance and the paramedics came eventually and took us all to the hospital, the doctor said that she wasn't to last much longer, he said it was time for me to 'become a man' and look after my sister, Varania. We sat beside my mother on her hospital bed and we all said our goodbyes. I watched my mother's soul leave her body, my sister couldn't bear to watch, she ran into toilets, slamming the door behind her." He let out a shaky breath before he continued. Kimi was already tearing up, and he had said this was only the beginning. She wanted to say she was sorry, and she knew what it was like to lose a parent - but she didn't want to interrupt.

"A man and a woman came by our house a week later, after mother had been buried. They said they were going to take us to an orphanage, and to pack only the important things before we made our way there…", he stopped talking and reached beneath his t-shirt, pulling out a locket. He opened it and looked at it, smiling, before turning it around and showing the picture inside to his phone, to Kimi. His phone must have been expensive, because the front camera's quality was surprisingly good.

"This is my mother," he pointed at a middle aged looking woman with ginger hair, "...this is Varania," gesturing to the small girl who looked no older than seven, she was also a redhead, "...and this is me, I was ten years old when this photo was taken. It's the only thing I took with me and is probably the most valuable thing in my life." He finished, pointing to the dark haired boy, in the picture he was grinning, giving his sister a piggyback, his mother appeared to be laughing, clapping her hands. He put the locket back under his shirt, and carried on telling his story - he looked a tiny bit calmer now.

"Who took the picture?", she enquired, Kimi figured she had to at least show she was listening to the story, so she chose to ask questions. She didn't know why, but she wanted to know everything she could about Fenris.

He chuckled shortly, ducking his head with his hand covering his mouth.

"Our neighbour, he said that he was watching us play from his window, but was so nervous that I was going to drop Varania that he left his house to make sure I didn't, he refused to leave until my mother came outside!" He laughed again, this time louder. Kimi couldn't help but chuckle along with him. He stopped after a couple of seconds and carried on talking.

"My sister was young so she unsurprisingly grabbed the first teddy bear she could find. We arrived at the orphanage and were greeted by the other children, and were shown our room. Life there was okay, not as enjoyable as when my mother was alive, but it wasn't the worst I've lived through." He stopped talking, and his face lost the smile it once wore not two minutes ago.

"About three months later, the woman in charge of taking care of us told me to come into her office. She said that there was a man looking to adopt me… I told her I only was interested in adoption if my sister could come with me, but she dismissed my pleas arguing that he was 'coming today, offering a lot of money if I ' _put up a fuss_ ', in her words." Kimi noticed his fists clench at recalling the memory, and she wished she could cover his hands with her own.

"I soon realised I was powerless, I ran and stormed up to our bedroom. I told my sister to pack what she can, that we were running away and no one would stop us. We ran, but couldn't make it past the electronic gates at the end of the driveway. I tried to coax my sister into climbing over, but she wasn't strong enough to pull her own weight. I threw her bag over to the other side along with mine and lifted her up onto my back, climbing over the gate. I made it over the top, but she slipped and fell off whilst I was climbing down." His voice was quivering, not from sadness - but anger.

"Luckily," he spat, forcing out the word, "she fell into the arms of Danarius - the man who wanted to adopt me. He brought us back inside the orphanage, and our carer handed over the adoption papers quicker than I could object to the situation once more. Danarius signed them, handed her the money, and didn't hesitate to grab hold of my hand and take me to his car." Fenris wasn't looking at his phone camera anymore, he was somewhere else - physically there, but mentally he was lost in his memories.

"Varania sprinted down the driveway after me, screaming to get out of the car, our _ex_ -carer was trying to restrain her. I rolled down the window before Danarius could drive off, and shouted to her to keep her name no matter what they did, and that I would find her one day if she kept her name."

"Have you found her yet?", Kimi asked, wanting him to say yes. Fenris came out of his trance-like state and looked up towards the ceiling, it occurred to her that he did so to will away his tears.

"No.", he replied flatly. "And even if I did Danarius would somehow make her disappear again, he is a very wealthy man, Hawke. I realised that when I arrived at his main mansion in Tevinter. It is to this day the biggest house I have seen in person. He had servants complete every action he could do himself." he said with disgust.

"Wouldn't that mean as his adopted son you shared his servants? I can't imagine having someone do whatever I told them to… I mean it's fair if he pays-"

"It _wasn't_ like that!" Fenris blurted, hitting his fists off of the desk he was sat at, the sudden surge of anger making Kimi flinch, "He would make them do horrific things! To put on sensual shows for him, hold wrestling matches for him, cook his every meal no matter the time of day or night, wipe his own fucking _arse_ for him! You could never imagine what it was like for them!" The tears she had witness him try to hide were now flowing freely down his cheeks.

"Nor for me!", he choked, Kimi was crying now as well, her hand covering her mouth holding back a sob. "At first he was kind and loving as a father should be… then he changed. I thought it was normal for a father to touch his child like he did with me… treating me the way he did, sleeping in the same bed like we did... I was more of a lover to him than his child! But it wasn't like I knew any different, he was the only father figure I had … and I let him do those things for years! To have his seed in me for years! I… I can't…", he ceased talking, his head hung low. He eventually looked back to his phone, to Kimi, his eyes meeting hers once again. Her hands were covering her face, shoulders shaking from the sobs she tried to suppress.

"I apologise Hawke, I shouldn't have lost my-"

"Don't!", Kimi demanded, she could see her reflection in her computer screen, her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were flushed and wet from tears. "Don't apologise for th-things that are o-out of your control…", she hiccuped. Kimi empathised with him, thoughts of all the times that Gamlen orally raped her flooded her mind, feeling powerless as his liquid filled her mouth, disgusted as he suckled her breasts like a child. She wanted to tell Fenris as he had told her, but the present moment was about him - him confiding in _her_ of all people. She reached to the monitor and touched the screen where his right cheek was.

"In this mo-moment you are fr-ee Fenris, whether he i-is chasing you or not - don't lose sight of tha-at.", she said softly, trying to control the hiccups. Fenris wiped his cheeks and eyes as he took in a large breath, and breathed out through his nose.

"I… thank you, you should not waste your tears on me, Hawke. It is my burden to bare." Fenris half-smiled, his head resting on his hand, propped up by his elbow on his desk.

' _How can he still look so attractive after bawling his eyes out… he hasn't even finished the story_ ', she shook the ill placed thought from her mind, Kimi didn't want him to suffer from this alone, but she didn't know how to communicate that to him.

"It doesn't have to be, you have friends now - friends that will… assist you whenever you need them to, me included." She was going to say 'help you', but she knew he had a stubborn personality.

Fenris chuckled lightly, he had now opened up to her, the realisation of that dawned on her and it was… difficult to contain the happiness, to say the least.

"I should also apologise for saying what I said before, about you being a terrible archer. It is true I won't take that back, but you are headstrong, dedicated when you have your mind set upon something. I have seen you in battle, your courage… I admire that about you.", if Kimi was anyone else she would have missed the blush that spread across the handsome face of his, as quickly as it came it went. But that wasn't the case with Kimi, she was in full blush-mode and she make any effort to hide it.

"Fl-Flatterer-"

" _Hazel_ you've been a naughty giiiirl", her heart sank as she heard Gamlen's blood-curdling voice.

'N _ot now, anytime but now_ '.

"I'm sorry, I have to go Fenris… thank you for telling me everything I-", she saw the confusion on Fenris' face, but she couldn't talk for any longer. Her bedroom door burst open, and a heavily tipsy Gamlen clambered through the room.

"I… erm… take care, Hawke". Kimi leapt from her seat and pressed the off switch on the wall socket. She turned round to face Gamlen and braced herself for what was to happen, though nothing truly could.

* * *

Kimi was spread across her bed, naked. Streaks of tears lined her cheeks; bruises were randomly placed across her neck and torso, where semen pooled between her breasts.

"Suck it up, bitch, you agreed to this.", slurred a half naked Gamlen towering over her, who pulled up his trousers and left shortly after. He had tit-wanked her for the longest five minutes she had ever experienced, the only thing keeping her sane was imagining it was a certain tan-skinned man.

Kimi pulled up her underwear that was tangled around her feet and wiped away the semen with her t-shirt that was thrown onto the floor; she grabbed Fenris' hoodie and flung it on quickly, then ran to the bathroom and stumbled down to the toilet where she vomited until there was nothing left in her stomach. Kimi sat up and flushed it away, then walked to the sink where she washed her face and cleaned out her mouth with mouthwash before brushing her teeth. She stood in place, contemplating to put a razor, that was placed at the edge of the bath opposite the sink, to her wrist - but thought of her friends and her family aside from Gamlen who would surely somehow resurrect her just to kill her again out of anger.

Kimi walked lifelessly to her bedroom and clambered into bed, before noticing a figure sleeping in the bed across from her's. Bethany was deep in sleep, and must have waited downstairs until she heard Kimi leave to go to her room. She rose from her bed and grabbed her phone from her desk, then climbed into Bethany's bed, next to her sister's sleeping form, she brushed her hair from the younger sister's face and kissed her cheek before turning over and checking the group chat.

It was filled with messages from the others, they were discussing the mission from the Red Iron that Kimi left, apparently they found a glitch and completed the quest again earning themselves 40,000 XP in total. It then went on to Isabella flirting with Merrill, then gossiping about what Kimi and Fenris were doing - Isabella had noticed from their character logs that they both were AFK. Anders said something about " _keeping her nose out from where it doesn't belong_ ", and Isabella replied saying " _boohoo I'm only looking out for their welfare, they could have been attacked by assassins_ ". Kimi laughed at her message, then remembering her to tell her whenever Gamlen made a move. Kimi private messaged her.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 20:58PM**

\- Izzy he did it again

\- I feel disgusting

\- I want to hurt myself again and

She began to cry after sending the last message, but remembered who she was laying text to. She silently wept, but slowed down when she realised there was a private message she received earlier.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 20:30PM**

\- I wanted to thank you for hearing me out in more detail, but you were… prioritised.

\- I don't know what your relationship is with that man but I will not dwell upon the subject. I wish to know but I will wait until you are ready, as you did for me, or will push the topic aside if you would rather not talk about it.

\- I am back online if you would like to play more, I have devised a rough plan to figure out what class suits you best, but if you are busy I can leave your training until another time. :-)

\- I am in your debt, Hawke. You have done me a favour that I will not forget. Thank you. I also saw you were wearing my jacket… I am glad you like it, it really does look… cute on you.

\- Alas I am rambling, we shall talk soon I hope.

Kimi tried to write a reply multiple times, but couldn't. 'He called me cute twice… I can't believe a guy is actually complimenting me, I should do the same in return..'

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:00PM**

-Thank you :') It was nice to finally put a face to the voice aha x

\- I'm sorry I'm too tired to play, I'll play tomorrow though, it's too late for you to play now anyway

\- I'll tell you about him soon, he isn't anyone I would class as close tho

She thought she might be going too far by putting an 'x' at the end of her message, but everything flirty she had thought to write would be too cheesy, too... _Isabella_. Speaking of the flirt…

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 21:02PM**

\- Hush baby its gonna be ok xx

\- don't hurt urself over someone like him he ain't worth the pain

\- I keep telling you I won't but one day i'm gonna have to tell someone, heck Aveline is a police officer

\- this isn't normal or legal it's rape :/

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:05PM**

\- I know but I can't report him until I move us out of his house

\- or else he'd just come back when he gets out of prison and would start it all over

\- and I dont have the money yet

\- i'm going to sleep this off ok? I'll talk tomorrow I'll come online around ten

The café Kimi worked at was closed every Sunday, so she always did her levelling up then. Tomorrow would be the first day of her training with Fenris, and she couldn't wait. She liked the thought of having him all to herself. Kimi was reminded of Zevran's words of lust, and on Monday she would have to admit that to him. Her phone made a loud ping, and she swore to herself. realising her phone wasn't set to silent mode.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:07PM**

\- I will wait for you then.

\- I mean I will wait for you to tell me, I apologise for the innuendo.

\- Yes, the librarian kicked me out, I wasn't doing anything of importance, just farming. The library opens at eleven, so I will be online then. :-)

She smiled to herself again, she truly couldn't wait for tomorrow to arrive.

\- And is that so? I imagine it must be quite the surprise. My appearance is astonishing to some.

Kimi giggled. _Giggled_ like a schoolgirl, he responded positively to her poor attempt at flirting.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:09PM**

\- My my, who would have thought that the brooding master Fenris would have a mind as dirty as Isabella...

\- And it was a pleasant surprise I assure you :') Much like when I first heard your voice

\- I wasn't prepared that time, your voice is very deep :L but it wasn't scary so :'D

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:10PM**

\- I guess so, Isabella has called my voice husky in nature.

\- I fail to see where she is coming from, but whatever makes her happy.

\- I have arrived at my house now, so I will bid you Goodnight.

She wanted to keep talking to him, to learn more things about him, but it was getting late. Kimi kept thinking of excuses to keep their conversation going.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:12PM**

\- So you like making Isabella happy? XD

\- Also can I ask you a question?

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:13PM**

\- I believe you have asked me two. :-)

\- In reference to the first, yes, but it isn't like what you are insinuating. She has a flirtatious personality, I cannot stop her, so I just go with it. Denying her advances would be useless, but if she ever asked to… engage in a certain activity with her I would say no. I don't know where she lives after all, it wouldn't be worth the travel.

\- Yes, you may ask me another question.

' _So he isn't that interested in Isabella… but only because of the distance… so if he had to choose it could be Aveline, Merrill, the librarian or me… assuming he's straight… he doesn't know where any of us live though, so would he say no to everyone else?_ ', she thought.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:14PM**

\- Ohhhhhhhhh

\- In the picture that you showed me your hair is black

\- Why did you bleach it? :-)

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:15PM**

\- What a peculiar question…

\- It was one of the first things I did when I ran away from Danarius, it was a way of me expressing my freedom, somewhere along the way I decided I liked it, so I kept bleaching it ever since. Happy? :-)

\- Now, go to sleep Hawke, I want you fully rested for tomorrow.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:18PM**

\- Okay okay… you sound like Aveline

\- I like it white :') It suits you

\- Goodnight Fenris x

She settled into Bethany's bed, being careful not to wake her up, she was about to put her phone to the side when she got another message.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:18PM**

\- Have you been flirting with me Hawke?

She was certain her heart skipped a beat. What was she to say to that?

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:20PM**

\- No

\- Maybe

\- I don't know

\- Have you been flirting with me?

' _Nice going Kimi, counter attack the question with the same question_ '.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:21PM**

\- I am unsure…

\- I don't know what came over me. I will cease if it makes you uncomfortable, but you responded in a similar manner, I assumed you liked it.

\- It is harmless after all.

' _"Harmless" flirting, I can live with that… does this mean he likes me? He doesn't do this with anyone else though right?_ '

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 21:21PM**

\- I don't mind

\- I mean, I do like it

\- I mean… ughh!

**Fenris [broody_elf], 21:21PM**

\- I understand. :-)

\- Goodnight Hawke

\- Eleven O'clock, remember?

She typed that she would remember and told him Goodnight, putting the phone aside she snuggled up to Bethany, falling asleep along with her.

* * *

Kimi awoke to the sound of birds singing softly from outside of her window, and the smell of freshly cooked breakfast. Leandra had always insisted on carrying on the tradition of the Fereldan Sunday meal in Kirkwall, toasted bread with eggs, beans in tomato sauce, and chicken ham - there wasn't enough space in Kirkwall to raise pigs, after all.

Remembering that she had worn the same pants for twenty four hours, she rose from her bed and walked sleepily over to her wardrobe. Kimi wasn't to be doing much during the day, so she pulled out a white t-shirt bra, a black and white baseball top and black running shorts. She put her clothes on, combed her hair and full bangs and darted downstairs to see if there was breakfast left for her.

"My my, you look like you slept well dear, it's nearly midday!", exclaimed Leandra jokingly. She was sat at the dining table with Bethany, who didn't comment on Kimi's presence due to her shovelling food down her throat.

"I did, that's why I went to sleep early, my friend told me to be well rested and-", she was cut off by her excited mother.

"Friend? Like boyfriend? Oh say hello to me will you?" Kimi knew that Leandra was aware of the lack of physical friends in her life, so she had settled with the online ones her daughter had. Deep down Leandra was proud that Kimi had finally made friends after _Lothering_ , but she predominantly wished she could see them in person.

"Yes, he said he would train me to be a better fighter! Everyone else was contempt with me being terrible-"

"Oh Honey…"

"But Fenris was like ' _I want to train you, Hawke_ ', and now he's going to make me better! Oh you should have seen him mother… he's _so_ attractive and his voice…", she stopped gushing about her crush too late. Her mother looked at her with a certain look, but it was replaced with a large smile.

"I am glad you like this man dear," she started, "he is a man isn't he? You have seen this supposed man haven't you? I saw something on the news not long ago about… what was it… cat-fishing?"

"Yes, yes, I video called him not long ago. You shouldn't be watching the television for too long mother, it rots your brain they say." Kimi teased, her mother wasn't as witty as her, but every so often she would spit back a good remark. Leandra laughed sarcastically, before speaking again.

"Yes, said you who sits in front of that blasted computer screen until unholy hours of the morning." Leandra retorted, it sent Kimi into a fit of laughter.

"Okay, okay, that was a good one Mother - but Dragon Age Online is educational, did you know it's based on _our_ Thedas hundreds of years ago? The developers spent forever doing research into the history of Thedas to make it as historically accurate as possible! How cool is that? And I'm in Kirkwall now, I bet I could find where our house would have been! ... I mean Gamlen's house…" she corrected herself. She thought maybe she could get everyone in her guild to show where they lived too, but it would be too depressing finally knowing how far away they were.

"I'm sure it is educational sweetie, now eat up! I don't want to hear of this _Fenris_ telling you that you are 'gaming' on an empty stomach."

Kimi finished her breakfast and hurried up the stairs and into her bedroom. She picked up her phone to check for messages, and saw that she had multiple private messages from a certain elf.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 10:32AM**

\- I am leaving my house now. If you are not awake by eleven I will not be impressed.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 10:41AM**

\- I am approaching the library now, Kawke.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 10:55AM**

\- I went online a little early to get things ready, you still haven't replied so I assume you are still sleeping.

She couldn't help but smile at how he had messaged her three times, and she could visualise how he looked annoyed now, after finally seeing him through the video call. She replied to his message and plugged her phone into a charger underneath her desk, realising she hadn't done so the night before. Kimi then switched on her computer and sat in the desk chair.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 10:58AM**

\- I just switched on my PC

\- Don't get too angry, but I forgot to set an alarm last night :L

\- How does it feel knowing I could have slept until 1PM? X'D

Kimi was much more confident talking to him from behind her phone screen. He couldn't see her stammer or blush when he would say something to provoke that reaction, but she still liked hearing his voice. The previous night was the first time she had heard him laugh wholeheartedly and it made her belly feel funny, in a good way.

' _Maker, what is that man doing to me_ ', she placed her hand over her abdomen where she could feel the strange sensation again.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 11:00AM**

\- If I were in your presence I would throttle you, how you manage to wake up at the correct time for work astonishes me.

\- I am sorry, intended that to be a joke, but it might have appeared as me sounding angry.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 11:01AM**

\- I'm glad you corrected that xD

\- I was about to reach for a box of tissues bc you hurt my feelings :'(

Kimi logged into her user and opened up the game. She wondered how her first training session would go, how he would be able to tell what class she truly was. Her game eventually loaded and she warped to Fenris' map location.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 11:03AM**

\- If I knew your feelings were so fragile, I would have advised on you not completing the level 60 main quest ;)

\- Are you able to video call? This would work for me better than typing.

Kimi's heart started to flutter, if they were going to do this more often she would need to get a hold of her feelings. Getting shy like a schoolgirl with a crush would eventually become tiring, and with Fenris already admitting that any flirting he did say was harmless. Nevertheless, containing how hard she had fallen for the elf was going to be difficult.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 11:04AM**

\- Why? What happens at level 60?!

\- And okay sure :)

She opened up _Skype_ and sent him a video request, he answered within milliseconds.

"Well... an archdemon appears and threatens to destroy Thedas… so the usual, also broodmothers, _lots_ of broodmothers…", Fenris said smoothly, he gave her a half-smile and greeted her. He was wearing an open red plaid shirt with a dark grey crew neck t-shirt underneath, she couldn't see what else he was wearing - but despite only seeing his top half she concluded he was effortlessly attractive.

"Ahh, gotta hate broodmothers", Kimi laughed nervously whilst playing with a lock of her hair. It was one of her nervous habits, along with messing with the cuff of whatever long sleeve clothing she wore, and chewing her lip.

"Yes, but they give a high amount of XP, so it's worth the trouble. But on the topic of broodmothers, follow me when I warp.", said Fenris, whilst clicking the mouse a couple times, and then he transported to another location.

"Huh? Ohh!", a notification popped up in the corner of her screen.

**[broody_elf]** _wishes to join your party. Accept party request?_

Kimi hit accept and his character's icon appeared on the left of her screen, she clicked it and warped to his location.

"I wish to begin our training in the Deep Roads, I will send you several pieces of weaponry and I want you to experiment with all of them. Tell me which feels best to use," he said, sounding just like a teacher. "I will then take you to the character creator NCP later."

"Okay! But what if you don't know what's best for me?", she was excited, but apprehensive.

"I thought I told you to trust me, _Hawke_ ," Fenris mocked, crossing his arms and smiling slyly.

' _How can one person be so damn attractive?!_ ' she internally screamed.

"I… I do trust you! It was just a question… what if I suit two classes?", she mimicked him and crossed her arms and turned to the side, pouting like a child.

"Then I'll let you choose for yourself. Come, I wish to begin now, start slaying Darkspawn and I'll back you up. I'll send the weapons now.", Fenris instructed. She wasn't a mage class so it was impossible for her to use a staff at the moment. She received a sword and shield first, it felt much slower than a bow and arrow, and much more difficult. The Hurlocks and Genlocks were surrounding her, and she didn't like being an upfront target. Nevertheless, Fenris saw that she was struggling and aided her, he swung his sword and cleaved through the enemies - it was like an incredibly dangerous dance, with the sword and all.

"I don't think I like this one… it's too slow. And I don't like the whole shield business…", Kimi leaned back in her seat after killing the last Hurlock.

"Don't catch Aveline hearing you say that," Fenris chuckles softly, "and I am aware, I just wanted to confirm it, we now have a platform to start on." A notification saying she was sent another item popped up, she opened her inventory and saw a greatsword.

"This is another test, this will determine if you are better up front or in the shadows. With a greatsword or other two-handed weapon you can deal what an archer may call 'splash damage', but the HP that you deplete would be greater with one on one combat." The words flowed out of Fenris' mouth so smoothly, he no doubt had confidence in himself as a teacher - maybe because he was talking about his own class which he was most experienced with, but it was as if they were actually there in the Deep Roads, and he was actually teaching her. They came across another horde of Darkspawn and they engaged in combat, she kept right-clicking as she couldn't copy his class exclusive actions - or the glowing. Once again, they finished attacking the last enemy, using a greatsword was much easier than a sword and shield, but it was still difficult having to face the enemy up front.

"How did you get those… markings?", she asked, prompted to do so by her earlier thought. Much to her surprise Fenris went silent, thinking deeply on how to reply.

"It… It was a contest held not too long ago, the winner would be granted with these powers, needless to say I won, that's all really."

"Ohh…", she was expecting more considering he had already told her about his step-father.

"I am guessing I have not sated your curiosity?", he smirked. That smirk, he knew he was teasing her and he wanted her to know too. He made no effort to hide it, after all.

"I… just… no, I was expecting more fighting, or something."

"Tell me something first then, I get to ask you something and in return you shall get your answer, _if_ I am satisfied." he said, and she laughed in return, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What could you possibly want to know about me? My life is far less interesting than most people… but a deal it is." Kimi smiled.

"Oh, but I wish to know many things, Hawke, you have… _piqued_ my interest, and besides what kind of teacher would I be if I knew nothing about my own student?"

' _He's flirting. Right now. With me. And it seems more than harmless flirting…_ ', did he really wish to know more about her?

"Okay, okay, I already said we have a deal!", Kimi blushed.

"Alright," he pressed the spacebar, judging from the noise, meaning he had paused the game. "I will not ask about the elephant in the room, I want you to tell me when you are ready, so…", he tapped his finger on his chin, clearly thinking considerably hard. She mentally thanked the Maker that he didn't ask about Gamlen.

"Is Bethany your only sibling? Isabella said something about a brother once."

Kimi had come to accept that Carver was gone a while ago, but it still hurt talking about him.

"Ahaha… at this moment in time yes, it wasn't always like this, though. I used to have a younger brother, his name was Carver.", she said woefully.

"Care to talk about him some more? I sense the subject is close to you…"

"He was brave, he wanted to get a career in something that involved saving others. But he was ignorant of common sense, he would do things not thinking of the consequences. I always hated that," she spat, memories of what happened in Lothering flooding her mind. But she carried on. "It was what got him killed, he wanted to stay behind, to help those infected. We were on the way to the docks in our Jeep to flee Ferelden, he kept saying he wanted to help and that it wasn't right to leave everyone behind, but both my parents told him no. We were nearly to Gwaren and Carver just said goodbye and jumped out. It was too risky to slow down, and he had jumped in another car before we even could bring him back." Kimi couldn't hold back her tears, she was frantically wiping them away so Fenris couldn't see them.

"You said so yourself that there was nothing you could do, what was it you said… don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control," he smiled comfortingly at her, and she smiled back to him. He was successful in lifting her crestfallen face and bringing a smile to it, which was hard for him _not_ to do.

"We came to Gamlen's house because we had no where to stay, about a month later we got a letter saying they found his remains, I didn't know how though, all the bodies that we drove past were unidentifiable." she finished, and sighed afterwards.

"I am sorry for your loss, Hawke. From what you told me his decision wasn't one of ignorance, but selflessness, you should be proud of him.", Fenris said calmly.

"I am, he is a hero."

"My turn it is. it was a competition, but I did not join alone. I was part of a clan called the Fog Warriors, I joined them shortly after fleeing _Danarius_ \- which before you ask is another story I shall tell later. They were the first friends I had after running away. We slaughtered through the competition, it was a fight to the death style method to win, and pretty soon we were the only ones left. The announcer said, however, that there could only be one winner, and we instantly turned on each other, slaughtering each other for our own personal gain. I faded into the background, waiting for there to only be a couple people left, but someone found me and stabbed me in the back… literally-"

"They weren't really a guild then, just people wanting to win high level bosses without dying." Kimi interrupted.

"No, they were my first friends, I saw the way they would communicate with each other, they were all close companions. But anyway, one of them had stabbed me, but before he could finish me off the leader of the guild took him out, and it was then a one on one fight between me and him. Put quickly I won, and I got given the markings, I could even choose the colour.", Fenris smiled.

"It must have been intense, but I'm not surprised you won. You're like, the best player I've seen!", Kimi exclaimed, and Fenris chuckled again. "So what is the specialisation called?", she asked.

"It's called Lyrium Warrior, it allows my avatar to phase through walls, objects… other characters." He replied.

"It looks amazing… I can't believe I hadn't heard of it, and I know a _lot_ of lore."

The conversation carried on, and Fenris decided told her about the first boss he killed to test the markings out, how he got kicked out of the Fog Warriors for 'treason', everything up until he joined Hard in Hightown.

"Your online life is almost more interesting than your actual one." Kimi joked. They had been talking for two hours, both had been logged out of the server for inactivity.

"I have forgotten about our training, I apologise." Fenris said, and logged back in along with Kimi.

"It's fine, I want to try something, though… do you have any daggers?" Kimi asked, during their time conversing, she realised she liked keeping to the shadows, both in the game and in real life, she was introverted with people she didn't know, she just wasn't outgoing.

"Yes, I was going to save them for last, I had a feeling that dual wielding was going to fit you best, Hawke." Kimi laughed loudly in response, her right hand covering her mouth.

"So why did you make me do all of that if you knew from the start?" She received the daggers from Fenris and headed for the closest cluster of Darkspawn. Kimi already had the perks of a rogue, but most of her moves were for archery, not dual wielding.

"Because I wanted to see how you would adapt to being thrown into the unknown." He said flatly.

"Well, _Fenris_ , did I satisfy you?", she dragged his name out slowly, he had been teasing her this whole time, it was his turn, she reasoned.

"Yes. You did. Those Darkspawn are all yours, since you are so confident." Fenris retorted to her flirting. ' _He's punishing me for teasing him… does that mean he's a sadist?_ ' she thought, but put the idea away.

She activated stealth and ran up to the group, she threw a poison bomb at them and backstabbed the most powerful of the cluster. As soon as the poison wore off she lept back behind a large boulder. Kimi glanced at Fenris, and seeing he was deep in thought, she turned her attention back to the game. She activated stealth again and charged, leaping from enemy to enemy. The group was at first nine, but now only three remained. She threw another miasmic flask and attacked the strongest again, when he fell she gestured at the camera for Fenris to have a turn, leaving the last two for him, but he lifted his hand gesturing that they were her's. She swiftly killed the rest, and Fenris' character approached her's.

"I think we have found your class… how did you do that?" Fenris enquired, on the camera he looked astonished.

"I just kept thinking what would Isabella do, and I've dual wielded in other games. I just wanted to be an archer in this one 'cuz they looked cool." she explained, stroking a lock of her hair.

"Well then… never change who you are, Hazel, especially if you're good at what you do." Fenris said honestly. "Let us hurry to the NCP then, I want to start your dagger training as soon as possible."

She was completely taken back, ' _Fenris just called me Hazel!_ ' she internally screamed. Even though she hated her name, the sound of it coming from him made her love it.


	4. Chapter Three II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd let ppl know that 'Kimi' Hawke isn't a self insert, this is her before she becomes the Hawke we see in DA2. In other words throughout the fanfic she will mature into the Hawke persona. ALSO, the P.O.V. changes in this chapter, just warning in case ppl get confused, it switches back after a while :')

 

Kimi and Fenris teleported to the character changing NPC. Fenris had said that his name was Xenon, and that he could change the entire appearance and class of an avatar, for thirty sovereigns. Kimi only had twenty, so Fenris transferred her the remaining ten. She then took the opportunity to _completely_ redesign her :character: before changing her class, shamelessly spending around half an hour doing so. Kimi was (always) a perfectionist when it came to character customisation. She eventually chose the rogue dual wield option, and the assassin specialisation - with Fenris telling her the best build for that specialisation.

"Was it _really_ necessary to spend so long creating an avatar?" sighed Fenris. After the first ten minutes of her designing, he had disappeared from camera's sight to get a sandwich from a vending machine nearby; when he came back seeing her not even close to finishing yet, he checked the group chat. It was around half past one, so many members of the guild were awake - and playing the game too.

"Finished! Yes, _Fenris_. Unlike our guild, other players can't see my face. Your avatar is the first thing other players see, so you have to make the right impression if you wanna be friends... or enemies - it's also the thing you'll spend most of the time looking at, I see no problem in making mine aesthetically pleasing to do so." She heard Fenris laugh lightly at her logic.

"I suppose so, if you actually care about what people think of you."

"And you don't?" she asked. Kimi was a naturally self-conscious person both in real life and in the game, despite her semi-good looking figure and appearance. It wasn't to a mental illness degree, she simply liked to look somewhat attractive in other people's eyes.

"I see no reason to, I am what I am and what others think of my appearance is none of my concern. Of course I'll make an effort to make myself look presentable and healthy but I find no logic in going out of my way to look like eye candy."

_'He's either lying or is in fact effortlessly attractive.'_ Kimi thought. He was no doubt the most visually appealing being to walk Thedas in her opinion, how he could not see that astonished her - or perhaps he was aware.

"And your avatar?"

"I merely wanted him to look like me... but more badass," he shrugged, "Besides, I'm not the most threatening looking man in the world." He stroked back his hair, which Kimi had come to notice he did when he felt uncomfortable.

"Hah! You may say that, but the first time I saw you do the glowy-thingy I think I shat myself, I'm _pretty_ sure Anders did too… you should have seen his face!" Kimi clutched her stomach as she laughed at the memory, so did Fenris.

"I am glad that I left that impression on him - come, the guild wishes to see your new character." He stated, and his avatar disappeared - she presumed to wherever the rest of the guild was. Her phone was still on charge all morning, but she could hear message alerts from the group chat. She warped to Fenris' location and picked up her phone, tapping on the chat. She scrolled down to the elf's first message of the day.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 13:40PM**

\- Hawke has changed classes, I thought everyone would like to know.

**Aveline [vallen], 13:40PM**

\- Oh really? I can understand why.

\- No offence Hawke if you're reading this.

**Varric [bianca's man], 13:41PM**

\- What to? She better still be a rogue, it's bad enough I'm the only archer now broody

**Fenris [broody_elf], 13:41PM**

\- Don't worry dwarf, she is still a rogue, but a dual wielding assassin.

\- I am sure Isabella will be pleased.

**Aveline [vallen], 13:41PM**

\- I bet she will be, she isn't awake yet though.

\- I can imagine that class suiting Hawke better actually, well done Fenris.

Kimi laughed at that, Isabella would be jumping off of walls when she found out. She wondered why Fenris even told the group chat, they would have found out eventually anyway. Her screen loaded and she was somewhere on the Wounded Coast again, this time with Varric and Aveline, who Fenris both invited to the _Skype_ call.

"Well done to me too! I'm pretty sure I got an achievement for how many Darkspawn he made me kill!", she whined.

"There were no more than thirty, if I am not mistaken," retorted Fenris playfully. Kimi stuck out her tongue at him in a childish manner and _Maker be damned_ he did the same back to her.

_'He needs to stop before I become the first person to die from infatuation'._

"Okay okay break up the fight children, we have to rescue a Viscount's son… so if we may proceed?" said Aveline, her voice was firm but her face said she was enjoying the bickering.

"Hey, nice character, Hawke! Much more attractive than your other one! If I was alone I'd -"

"And that's enough from you too, dwarf, I wasn't aware that you were interested in animated women." exclaimed Aveline. She could joke too, but her humour was much more dry than the others. Much more.

"Oh ho ho! My dear Aveline, haven't you heard of _hentai_?"

"VARRIC!" screamed both Kimi and Aveline, Fenris also reacted to the dwarf's words, his hands covering his face.

"I'll take that as a yes…"

They made their way up the beachy landscape, the conversation changing swiftly to something else, when they encountered a group of bandits. There weren't that many to be of any trouble , but they could be if the group charged through aimlessly.

"Hawke, think of this as your first training session. Do as you did in the Deep Roads and remember what I told you about your build." said Fenris.

"I know what I'm doing, which ever move sequence looks coolest is probably the best…"

"You're not in the background now Hawke, you have to defend me and Fenris up front, but without making yourself a target as well", stated Aveline. "But do have fun." she finished.

Fenris and Aveline charged at the group, and Kimi quickly activated and threw a Miasmic Flask at the cluster of enemies, she then activated stealth and backstabbed an enemy attacking Aveline with Explosive strike. She then used Evade and told Varric to use Triple Shot at the bandit she just attacked. She activated stealth again, coating her blades in a poison and repeated the sequence again on a bandit attacking Fenris, this time using assassinate - with the poison doing 10pts of damage per second, he eventually dropped dead along with the rest. The battle only lasted two minutes at most, they wanted to swiftly get to the quest location, after all. When it finished everyone congratulated Kimi, saying how she was much more useful and effective than before (Aveline), much more attractive in combat than before (Varric), and suited fighting up front despite her shy nature (Fenris).

"How did you know I'm shy? I could just be deep in thought… like you!" Kimi had enquired.

"I'm good at reading people, I have to be - considering the _circumstances_. You didn't strike me as the outgoing type. When I first saw you at the café you acted… bubbly, but that did nothing to mask you avoiding eye contact and your hands shaking."

"Oh… and I'm like that with all customers?!" her hands smacked her cheeks, she hid her face from the web camera.

"From what I observed, yes bu-"

"HOLD ON! Hold on! When did you two meet up?!" blurted Varric, the jealousy in his tone greatly apparent.

"We didn't!" Kimi shouted, with the elf speaking much calmer after her.

"We did nothing of the sort."

"Then how _did_ you meet? How long ago was it?" asked Aveline, who didn't believe either of them. All those present had forgotten that their avatars were stood still, open, and would make easy targets for unexpected PvP battles or computer controlled enemies.

"I had finished training at my gym, I had done a particularly vigorous work-out and wanted to reward myself. I went to the café, unknowing that Hawke worked at _that_ one in particular. Neither did I know that it was her who served me until I forgot my jacket there."

_'And I agree, it does look… cute on you. Keep it, I have others.'_ his words crossed her mind from the day before, but it felt like a lifetime.

"Well that seems awfully convenient, but nevermind. We have a mission to do." stated Aveline, Kimi thanked the Maker that at least one of them had their head screwed on right.

The group came across two other clusters of bandits before reaching the Viscount's son. His name was Seamus, Kimi learned, and apparently he wasn't kidnapped, but was with his friend - a Qunari. Kimi already knew what was about to happen, she was somewhat familiar with a majority of the main quests in the game.

"Guys if any of us have suddenly realised they need to level up now would be a good time." she said cautiously.

"Why? Is this going to be a difficult fight?" enquired Aveline. It crossed Kimi's mind that it would have been a good idea to tell the group what they would be facing, but her timing was hardly ever right when a situation came around when she could actually _apply_ her lore knowledge.

"I have done this before on another account, it is somewhat difficult - but we will manage no doubt if we conserve our potions." Fenris replied.

"Why did nobody think to _say_ this? I could have looted a lot more bodies if I knew it was going to be bad..." sighed Aveline. Varric's character walked up to Seamus, who was bent over a dead Qunari, the boy said that 'they were still here' and 'to run away quickly', referring to the wave of mercenaries who jumped out from behind the large boulders that were dotted around them.

The fight lasted ten minutes, Kimi could sense everyone was on edge; trying to do their best not to die and skip out on earning the XP. Kimi said that there were going to be three waves, with the third being the most difficult. When they had gotten to the last wave, the group was low on health potions - namely due to the assassin that kept popping up, backstabbing, then moving to the next guild member. Kimi was very fed up, she activated stealth (which she had come to realise was her favourite move), and creeped behind the assassin. Aveline saw what she was attempting and acted as a decoy for her, drawing the assassins attention by using Shield Bash. Kimi took the opening and used Assassinate on him, taking his health down by at least forty percent. The two women then kept attacking him until he fell, and carried on with the fight. Aveline nodded to her on her camera, and Kimi winked back in thanks - but she was distracted by a blinding blue light that flooded her monitor.

_'The Lyrium Ghost'_ Kimi thought, she couldn't move her hands to carry on fighting, she didn't want to. She had seen him fight for just over half a year now, but it was still beautiful to watch his character fight. Fenris' avatar sank his hand into Ginnis' chest (the leader of the mercenaries), ripping out her pixelated heart. The fight was over soon after.

"Now _that_ is probably the coolest thing I have seen in this game." exclaimed Varric. Kimi too was in awe, he had described his character's powers previously, but she hadn't seen him pull out someone's heart. She was so in awe she forgot the nagging sensation in her abdomen - not from finding him hot, but needing to use her bathroom _very_ badly. She silently wished her body would give her more warning.

"I am glad you see it so.", she heard Fenris say in her urine controlled frenzy. She scanned the room for Bethany, seeing that she was playing on her 2DS silently on her bed. She must have walked in without making a sound, Kimi reasoned.

"Is something wrong, Hawke? You look troubled." Aveline prompted.

"Yes! Everything is fine, BETHANY TAKE THE WHEEL I NEED TO PISS!" she screamed across the room to her sister, who shot up and squealed from the sudden outburst, clambering over to the desk chair where Kimi was no longer sat.

"Erm, hello again! My sister needs to pee so…" Bethany's voice trailed off as Kimi _sprinted_ towards her bathroom. She finished washing her hands with honey scented soap, after she emptied her bladder, and fixed her hair in the mirror. She took the opportunity to take a short break from the game. She went downstairs and made herself a drink along with a peanut butter sandwich, and ate it at the dining table. She looked over to her mother who was sifting through what looked like Gamlen's bills, with a grimace on her face.

"Is there something wrong mother?" she asked.

"Oh, no, don't worry child. Nothing I can't handle. We're just late on a few bills is all."

"I can help pay them, mother! I have about two thousand sovereigns saved u-"

"No! I will not allow you to pay for your uncle's shortcomings!" Her mother said sternly. Kimi snapped.

"Then _make_ him find a job! He can't keep holding us back like this! What if his house gets repossessed? Where will we go then?!" she had realised too late that she had lost her temper again, and instead of her taking it out on Gamlen, it was her own mother.

"I know!" Leandra took in a deep breath, "I know… we have already pawned off all of Gamlen's unnecessary furniture. I am not smart enough to take up stock trading, nor do I have the money to do so, or the time to get another job on top of my own." Her mother came to the dining table and took a seat next to Kimi. "My _dearest_ Hazel, what are we to do." It wasn't a question, but a plea.

"I - I heard father saying you used to have a house here, in Hightown somewhere."

"Yes, Amell Estate, I used to live there before I met your father."

"What happened to it? Can't we get it back if it is still in your name?" Kimi asked.

"No, I spoke to Gamlen about it when we arrived from Ferelden. He said he lost it in a gambling match, your father lost his temper and roughed him up a little," Leandra smiled at that, "apparently my parents, your grandparents, left it to me in their will. I would have to petition to get it back, or buy it off of the housing agency holding it."

Kimi leapt up from her seat. "So let's buy it back! How much is it?" she demanded. If they could just buy back the mansion they wouldn't have to live with Gamlen anymore, and Kimi would be indebted to him no longer.

"If it was that simple, don't you think we would have moved out of this hovel by now? It's two hundred thousand sovereigns, Hazel! The only way of obtaining that amount of money is to win the Maker _damned_ lottery!"

"But can't we appeal? Tell the company of our situation, they would understand! Surely they would!" pleaded Kimi, and Leandra sighed in response.

"It wouldn't be like a mortgage, we can't just negotiate with them. We would have to pay it upfront or else they would put it back on the market." she ushered Kimi to take her seat again who sighed, placing her head on the table, forgetting that her plate was still there.

"I do not wish to talk of this any longer. I have come to accept that this will be our new life, as did your father whilst he was alive. I ask that you do the same.", and with that Leandra walked back into the living room and went through Gamlen's bills again. Kimi wiped her hands over her face, both in frustration and as an attempt to get the peanut butter off. She placed the plate into the kitchen sink and walked up the stairs to her room.

* * *

Bethany sat down in the desk chair. She enjoyed playing her sister's game, mainly because of the friends she would play with. They were all friendly with her, especially Anders and Izzy - mainly because she knew Izzy from… before. She placed on the headset and spoke into the mic.

"Erm, hello again! My sister needs to pee so I'm gonna take her place for a bit!" she beamed at the web camera.

"Why hello there, _Lady_ Bethany, what a pleasant surprise!" greeted Varric. He would always treat her as a princess, she knew it was due to her age but she would still pretend she was clueless to it.

"Hello, _Sir_ Varric, the pleasure is all mine", she replied, nodding her head in acknowledgement and giggling. She returned to her normal dialect. "So what are we doin' now?"

"We are returning to the Viscount's office, we just killed a bunch of people and found his son who ran away," Aveline briefed Bethany.

"Okies', how much do we get for this?"

"Depending on our grade of combat, anywhere between five hundred and one thousand XP," stated Fenris.

"Hey! You're the guy my sister was _gush_ -I mean talking about earlier! She was right about the deep voice," exclaimed Bethany, nearly giving away her sister's secret. Bethany had only seen him every so often, and due to her sister using earphones, she had never actually heard him speak. He was just that guy with white hair, in her eyes.

"Err… she was, was she?"

"Yes! She was all, 'Fenris is gonna train me to be the best player ever yaaay!', she was pretty excited to say the least lol."

"I wouldn't be so sure about the 'best player ever', but I have placed her under my wing."

"Aww - so when are you gonna date?" Bethany heard Fenris choke on air, as well as Aveline. Varric just burst into laughter.

"I - we are not dating and we shall never do such a thing!" said an incredibly flustered Fenris, using an array of hand gestures to illustrate his point.

"Geeeezz, I was only kidding, don't need to put her in the friendzone and all…" she sighed.

"Oh... I see. May I suggest we make our way to Hightown now?", he was looking away from the camera, she noticed. _'I flustered a twenty year old man lol, I mean he could pass for eighteen, I can't even tell his real age'_ , Bethany thought.

They all warped to the Viscount's Keep, and made their way up the steps to the Viscount. The man had thanked them for returning his son, Bethany had no idea what was going on, so when the character's dialogue option came up, she clicked 'You are both fools', or something - she wasn't really paying attention.

"Woah! Seven hundred XP! Is that a lot?"

"It is a decent amount. Not enough to make up for what I lost out on in the previous mission, but I can drink to that." Bethany was stunned, _'He drinks and plays?! What a loser, what does Hazel see in him lol.'_ But she stood corrected when he reached for a can of _Rockstar_.

"What flavour?" she asked, pointing to the can as he drank from it.

"This? Blueberry." Fenris responded.

"Aww... Hazel says I can't have it 'cuz I go hyper…" she whined. The previous time she downed a whole can at her school, got too energetic, and punched the first school girl that looked at her funnily.

"I shall drink to you as well, then." he lifted the can, seemingly toasting to her, and drank some more.

"Thank you! - oh, hey sis. You got seven hundred XP from the last battle."

* * *

"Only? Damn." Kimi said. Her eyes were rested enough to play some more, but her mind wasn't. She kept thinking of strategies to make quick money, but it all came down to prostitution - not that she would actually try it, though she technically was one already.

"Well, bye guys, tell Izzy I said hi!", Bethany bid farewell to the group, then settled on her bed to play on her 2DS again.

"I take it she wasn't too much trouble considering everyone got to Hightown in one piece." she jested. She liked letting Bethany play every once in awhile, it was a hobby they both shared, even if Kimi took it much more seriously than her sister.

"Nah, she was fine, she might have gotten on the Viscount's bad side, though." said Varric in response.

"Oh really?" Kimi turned to face her sister, who said she 'only called him a fool'. They both laughed lightly, "Beth, you can't say that, his kid dies later on!"

"Hey! No spoilers!" shouted Aveline.

"Sorry…" she uttered, stroking a lock of her hair.

"So what's next? It's three o'clock now, me and Aveline haven't had lunch yet, so how about we all come back in an hour and figure out what to do next?" suggested Varric.

They all agreed, and went offline, both in-game and on the video call. Kimi reached for her phone and messaged Isabella, wondering why she hadn't come online. She knew Anders worked Sundays, only working half-days in the week and full-time on weekends. Merrill worked Sundays too, but doing school work - mostly marking student's work as she worked at an art's school. Merrill was an amazing artist, Kimi had always thought. She could see her paintings and drawings hanging on her wall in the background of the video call, and some of them were based on creatures and scenery in the game. On the other hand, Isabella had no reason to _not_ be playing. She worked at a bar in Lowtown most days, but never Sunday.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:02PM**

\- Hey! Are you awake yet?

\- I've literally been playing all day and you haven't come online or messaged the group :/

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:05PM**

\- Sorry Hawkey xx

\- I have a really bad hangover

\- Me and my work friends went out last night at like 10 lol

\- It was last minute i know but YOLLLOO

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:05PM**

\- Yh but you missed Beth

\- She came on for like 15 mins

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:06PM**

\- OMG UR KIDDING

\- Nah :(

\- I'm sorry… I'm literally in my flat right now with all the curtains closed

\- Bc the sun is burning my eyes, I doubt I could even look at the PC screen :(

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:06PM**

-I've heard alcohol does those things…

**Isabella [xbella_69x], 15:07PM**

-haha Hawke

-Now leave me 2 sleep pls

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:07PM**

-If you insist my pirate companion ;)

The time quickly flew by, it was now completely dark outside, and judging from the loud racket of drunken teenagers walking up and down her street, it was most likely past ten o'clock. Why and how people partied on a Sunday night she didn't know, Monday's were the worst even without a hangover, she thought.

The guild had been doing a number of small quests, clearing caves and other tasks; the four of them were the only people in the guild online so they couldn't exactly kill a High Dragon, even if Fenris could just shove his hand through it's chest.

Aveline had not long ago bid farewell and went offline, so Kimi did the same - she did have to wake up in eight hours or so,; she didn't want to keep Bethany awake due to the monitor's light, on a Sunday night. She got up after saying goodnight to Varric and Fenris and switched off her PC, then went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face before returning back to her bed. She wasn't even half way through the doorway before she saw Gamlen towering over her sleeping sister.

" _What_ do you want?" Kimi cautioned, her hands shaking.

"Nothing, just watching. I can see her growing into her body nicely."

_'He wasn't drinking was he? I didn't see any bottles downstairs, he isn't slurring or wobbling at all so why is he behaving like this?!'_

"Riiight, well I'm going to sleep now, I suggest you do the same, Uncle."

"No need to be so defensive _Girl_ , I was just leaving." Gamlen retorted, brushing past her as he exited the room.

Kimi let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding, and walked over to Bethany. She brushed her cheek before whispering that she wouldn't let him hurt her, and went to her own bed. She was so tired, emotionally and physically, that she didn't even reach for her phone before she fell asleep.

* * *

Two weeks had passed, and Kimi's situation didn't change for the better, but not any worse either. The only positive things that happened were her and Morrigan finding a common ground - hating snobby people and generally people in general, her training sessions with Fenris as he would invite Isabella to help with the rogue side of things, and Kimi levelling up again. Oh, and Fenris had been slyly saving up money for a gaming laptop, the rest of the guild pooled together and transferred him the money online required to buy a headset and decent USB mouse. The thought had occurred to her how he could afford something so expensive considering his situation, but it soon disappeared.

It was a Friday, so everyone at work was generally in a better mood, including Meredith of all people. Kimi and Zevran manned the coffee machines, Morrigan and Feynriel were in charge of baking and selling cakes - not that the raven haired woman was any happier there.

"Morrigan, can I ask you something?", Kimi said to her from across the counter.

"If you must."

"Why do you work here? I mean don't take this in a bad way but you have significantly less enthusiasm than the rest of the crew, you haven't once worked overtime and you make no effort to socialise with the rest of us outside work. To the average person it would seem as if you don't even want to be here." she explained.

Morrigan breathed out heavily and scanned the café floor for customers before speaking. "I don't know why I'm telling you this but once I do you must swear that you won't tell another soul, that includes you two." Morrigan gestured to Zevran and Feynriel.

"Okay…" said Kimi, with the other two nodding in response.

"Right then, me and my mother are what you would call travellers. We don't have a permanent home apart from our caravan, we move locations every week or so. We don't have the money to buy a flat and my mother insists that we live this way until she passes. I, on the other hand, do _not_ want to live like this any longer. So, I applied for this job as it pays well and am saving up for alternate accommodation." Despite the depressing explanation, Morrigan didn't seem moved at all when talking.

"So how do you get paid if you don't have a permanent address?" asked Feynriel, who usually kept to himself. He had worked there for some time as an apprentice, but the crew hardly knew anything about him.

"Meredith pays in cash, she said as long as I look appropriate and am punctual she didn't care. She seemed rather impressed with my cooking talent, if I do say so myself." Morrigan stated. "I do not work here because I want to, but because I have to in order to be free of my _witch*_ of a Mother." she concluded.

"Ah, I see. I'm here to buy a house too!" exclaimed Kimi. Morrigan scoffed and returned to the oven under the counter where she was cooking muffins.

"I wonder why I expected more of a response from you… never the matter, we have similar goals - I propose that to make the time between now and achieving them more bearable, I shall be more 'approachable'..." Morrigan leaned in, almost whispering in Kimi's ear making sure no one else could hear, " _if..._ you get that blighted Zevran to cease flirting with me.", she proposed. It was no secret that the blonde flirted with _anyone_ , but most people liked it, the rest learning to accept it. Morrigan wasn't one of these people, however, she made it clear she despised him. He didn't listen to her pleas, evidently.

"Deal!" Kimi shouted, gaining even more attention from the two males standing opposite them, who were both shamelessly trying to hear what was just discussed. Morrigan slapped her hand to her forehead at Kimi's response, and carried on baking. It was a wonder how no customers came in during the whole scene. The rest of the day went by in a blur, Kimi had exchanged phone numbers with Morrigan, after spending the remaining hour begging her for it, and got Zevran's and Feynriel's too to minimise suspicion.

Kimi went to her locker after staring at the clock, waiting for the hands to hit three o'clock, and pulled out her rucksack - which was much heavier due to the added weight of her gym clothes. She worked out at Hightown's gym after work every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, in order to ' _keep off the added pounds - a consequence of the gaming lifestyle_ ' she reasoned. But deep down, it was just one of the few things she had control over in her life; she _needed_ control.

She took off her apron and went to the staff toilets to get changed into more sporty attire, a black tank top with an electric blue mesh shirt on top, and simple black leggings. She still wore her black monochrome _Converse_ to work out in, they were comfy after all. Kimi bid everyone farewell and plugged in her earphones, beginning the twenty minute jog to her gym. It was somewhat relaxing, in a way, despite the cold October-soon-to-be-November weather. The bitterness of her warm skin reacting to the cold climate felt good, as well as the burning sensation of her warm up exercise; she wouldn't let herself stop jogging, only to slow down to a speed walk before starting again until she reached her gym. She scanned her ID card at the gates and walked to the women's locker room, putting her bag inside before leaving to the women's side of the gym.

Kimi's schedule was very strict, she would use the rowing machine for twenty minutes, the cross trainer for ten. A five minute break, then yoga ball training for ten minutes, back to the cross trainer for another, then using an aerobic step she practiced a combination of inclined press ups, crunches, and squats, and another five minute break before repeating the same sequence again for another hour.

By the time she had finished her whole body ached, her stomach growled, but she felt _good_. She could feel the endorphins surging through her and that made her feel alive. Kimi returned to the locker room and grabbed a towel, shampoo and soap and quickly went to the shower room to cleanse herself. She got changed into her work clothes again before scanning herself out of the gym and beginning the hour and a half journey home. She wasn't ten minutes to the station when a familiar blonde haired man waved to her, from a black _Civic,_ he honked at her and pulled over.

"Hawke? It's me, Anders! Can I give you a lift?"

" _Anders_?" she said the name, trying to picture the man in front of her as the man she was familiar with during video calls. "Anders! Oh my gosh it's you!" she exclaimed, when she put one and the other together. She was itching to just jump into the car and squeeze him in a hug.

"I'm hurt, Hawke. I recognised your purple hair instantly, I had to do a double take because it's dark out, but the fact remains." He pouted as he turned his radio volume down.

"My apology's _your lordship_ , I'm not used to being called into sissy cars, you see." she mocked.

"It is _not_ a sissy car! It's small and cosy." He pouted, "So where are you headed? What are you doing out so late?"

Kimi opened the passenger door and got in, embracing the warmth of the car and sinking into the seat, letting her worn out muscles relax.

"I'm going home, I just came from the gym, and it's not late it's almost quarter past five!"

"It's nearly Winter, Hawke, it's dark out; the dark is dangerous for pretty young women such as yourself!"

Kimi blushed deeply at his words. He had complimented her as if it was a fact. She struggled to formulate a response, Anders was looking at her intently with a large smirk on his face. He had flabbergasted her and he knew it.

"As well as guys… I mean women aren't the only people targeted. Where do you live? I'll drop you off." Kimi snapped her head towards him, suddenly realising something.

" _Why_ are you in Hightown? _Why_ are you in the Free Marches?"

"I think I asked the first question, did I not? I told you before I work at the hospital-"

"Yes but you didn't state which hospital! It could have been Orlais Central for all I knew!" she cut him off. Kimi was suddenly angry, again. Anders, one of her many close friends, lived in Kirkwall… why wasn't she aware of this?

"Why is this a surprise to you?" he scoffed, "Everyone lives in Kirkwall, the guild _Hard in Hightown_ operates within the Kirkwall server." He said, almost laughing at her ignorance.

"You mean to say that Varric, Aveline, Merrill and Fenris _all_ live in Kirkwall?" Her eyes widened in disbelief, _'Why haven't we met up? How come no one said anything?!'_

"It would be impossible for them to access the Kirkwall server if they weren't in range, so yes, everyone in the guild uses a computer or laptop that is based in our _wonderful_ city." Anders deadpanned. Kimi closed her mouth, realising it was wide open, and cleared her throat. Meeting her friends, her first actual friends, was now somewhat achievable. "Why didn't you say Isabella before?" he enquired.

"Oh _pshh_ ," she waved her hand, "I already know Izzy lives in a flat in Lowtown near me." Anders put his seatbelt on and started the car again, pulling off the curb.

"At last we have a destination! I guess you're wondering why we haven't all met up yet." he stated, as if reading her mind. Kimi put her seatbelt on too and placed her rucksack, that was resting in her lap, underneath the glove box. She nodded in response.

"So have I, I guess we're all just really shy. That or we're all really lazy… apart from you and Fenris, you two actually work out." Kimi laughed softly and scanned Anders' face.

He had gone from being a pixelated image in her bedroom to here, in the flesh. His blonde hair was cut at shoulder length, half of it tied up with parts of his fringe loose. He had rich amber coloured eyes that anyone could get lost in if they starred in them for too long. He was wearing his blue doctor's uniform, with a long sleeve black shirt underneath, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows showing off his blonde arm hair. Anders was a physically attractive man, but not like Fenris was. Fenris was mysterious, with a dark aura about him; Anders' presence felt warm and inviting, he smelled like honey which matched his sweet personality.

The car conversation was varied, Kimi learned that he lived in Darktown to which she responded with 'So how many times have you been stabbed?', before he clarified that he lived in the better sides towards Hightown. She also learned he was a cat lover, he showed her pictures of his previous cat 'Ser Pounce A-lot', while they were at traffic lights, and she fell in love with it. Kimi revealed her address to him, and he grimaced at finding out how rough the area was, but as the topic darkened she went through her bag and pulled out the bluetooth speaker she had and switched it on, connecting her phone to it.

"I do have a radio." Anders scoffed.

"Radios suck balls, you can't choose what comes on and they're full of ads. Now, what are you into?" she asked, scrolling through her abundance of music.

"Hmm, surprise me, Hawke." he responded. She put on ' _Nightmare_ '** and they both head-banged their way to her house. She had learned his preference in music and created a playlist in his name. A couple minutes after, Anders had offered to pick her up from her gym until it was Spring and was brighter in the evenings, and she accepted; overwhelmed by his generosity she kissed him on his cheek, which had a hint of stubble. His face turned pink in response and she giggled at the flushed tint. The hour's drive went by quickly, and Kimi felt happy, happy that she had finally met her friend of six months. In truth she didn't want to leave his car, she wanted to stay and talk all evening and night, but they both had work, _'not that he would take up the offer anyway'_ she thought. Kimi offered him to come inside for a warm beverage but he kindly declined.

"So… I'll see you Monday after gym?"

"Definitely, I'll see you then!" grinned Anders, before pulling her into a loose hug. Kimi froze at the sudden contact, but melted into it after breathing in his sweet scent.

"Erm, Hawke, you can let go now…" Anders said awkwardly.

"Oh! Sorry, I just-"

"It's fine! See you soon, Maker willing." He waited until she went inside before driving off, Kimi noticed. He really did have a heart of gold.

When she entered her house, Leandra asked her a number of questions regarding the car she had appeared out of; Kimi, tired from overexerting herself, dismissed her saying it was a friend.

She went upstairs to her room and threw her bag at the foot of her bed, with herself falling into it. Her muscles still ached, but her heart felt warm after her encounter with the blonde. Kimi always thought that Anders would be the kind of man to preach about mages outside of the game as well as in, but he was surprisingly down to earth, as well as being chatty; she didn't need to force conversation like she did with others, namely Morrigan and Aveline.

Kimi reached for her phone which was placed in her bra, and sent a message to Anders - not that he would be able to text and drive at the same time anyhow.

**Kimi [kimi_chan] 18:03PM**

-Thankies for the lift :'3

\- It was awesome to finally meet you lol

\- Get home safe :)

"Who are you texting, sis?" asked Bethany who was sat at the desk, completing what looked like math homework on the computer.

"Erm... just a friend. Need any help?" Kimi quickly tried to change the subject. Bethany already knew about Fenris; if she told her sister about Anders knowing the drama queen she was, she would accuse her of cheating - whether she felt anything for the mage or not.

"Thank the Maker! Yes, please, I'm dying!" Bethany said, obviously relieved. Kimi was naturally quite good at math, she believed that once a person can understand the principles of a calculation, it was easy. There was a time when she wanted to be an accountant, but two weeks into her accountancy apprenticeship she became bored of it.

It took an hour for Kimi to explain to her sister ratio, as well as having to complete all of the homework for her because Bethany had given up; Kimi was good at math, but not at teaching math to others. They submitted the online homework and Bethany happily went downstairs to help Leandra make dinner. It was then that she realised how tired she was, she could barely keep her eyes open - and early fell asleep until a notification came from her phone.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 19:10PM**

\- Hey, Hawke.

\- Are you coming online tonight?

Kimi sighed after reading the message. Playing with Fenris had become one of her favourite past times, they would just train and talk without any pressure or awkwardness - and they could stay up later now that he had a laptop. But recently Kimi had become so _tired_ , both emotionally and physically that she would fall asleep after coming back from the café. She didn't know where the fatigue had come from.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 19:11PM**

\- Not today, sorry Fenris

\- I'm so exhausted after gym that I might even skip dinner :'(

**Fenris [broody_elf], 19:11PM**

\- That is not advisable, you need energy after exercising. :-)

\- This is the third time you have declined, is there something wrong?

_'Is there something wrong with me? I love going to work, I love playing Dragon Age, I love working out… so why do I feel like death?'_

Kimi felt her cheeks wetten, she touched them and realised she was crying. She sent a reply and rose from the desk chair, flopping onto her bed. She cuddled her pillow, burying her face in it to muffle the sound of her sniffling.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 19:13PM**

\- I'm fine, don't worry :-)

'I'm fine, I'm okay, just tired.'

"I love everything… how can I hate everything too?" she mumbled to herself, slowly falling into her dreams.

* * *

*** THE IRONYYY... IM SORRY I HAD TO XD**

**** nightmare by a7x, i dont own them or any brand, company, software ive mentioned in this fic etc...**


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please please post a comment/review if you have something to say about the fic! :D

Saturday morning. The sisters' bedroom window was open a crack. The sounds of the early morning work rush woke Kimi up ten minutes before her alarm rung for her own job. Cars were honking honking loudly, drowning out the birds chirping. She got out of bed and looked out of her window, scoffing at the Lowtown-ers' impatience. She went back over to her bed and looked at the time on her phone, realising that she may (actually) have time to make herself breakfast. Kimi threw on her work clothes quickly at the thought of going to work well fed; a black t-shirt, skinny black jeans, her unmentionables and Malcolm Hawke's locket, before hurriedly going to the bathroom to quickly wash her face and body with a flannel, before putting on her make up. Her eyes felt dry and sore from the previous night, and she cringed at the memory. In truth, she wasn't sure why she began crying, or why she felt so drained as of recent. Pushing the thoughts aside, she applied her make-up.

 _'I think I might go smokey eyed today'_ , she decided after applying foundation and concealer. When doing so she noticed her ash brown hair was noticeably growing, with about three inches of her natural coloured roots showing. _'How did I not notice this?!'_ she internally whined, _'Meh, oh well, time to go dye shopping!'_.

Kimi ran downstairs to the kitchen and opened the cupboards, spotting a box of _Golden Nuggets_ she grabbed the biggest cereal bowl she could find and poured it in, along with day old milk from the fridge, _'still smells fresh… no clumps at the bottom… so it should still be edible!'_.

She ate her cereal whilst going through her messages on her mobile.

**Fenris [broody_elf], 19:20PM**

\- If you would like to talk about it privately, I wouldn't mind.

\- You are very easy to read, Hawke, even through messages.

"Fuck…", Kimi whispered, slapping her hand to her forehead. _'Damn him and his mind reading abilities!'_

She noticed another message, forgetting that she had texted Anders the night before as well. The app the group chat was on allowed the use of nicknames for contacts, so out of simplicity she used the usernames from the game.

**Anders [ser_pounce_alot], 19:10PM**

\- Thanks, Hawke.

\- I did get home safely, which is surprising considering I had driven through your area

**Anders [ser_pounce_alot], 21:24PM**

\- I noticed you didn't come online today, are you alright?

"Why does everybody suddenly care about me?!" she squealed, nearly choking on her breakfast. _'I don't come online for three days and everyone thinks something's up! But then again, second to Fenris I am the one who plays the most…'_

She finished her breakfast and put her plate in the sink, then ran upstairs remembering she forgot her bag. On the way out of her bedroom she heard the front door close, she jumped back behind the door and closed it almost all the way - enough so she could see who had come into the house. Gamlen was stumbling up the stairs, _'clearly drunk'_ she thought unsurprisingly, her eyes followed him until she noticed a bruise on the back of his neck and left arm.

"What the devil have you gotten yourself into now, old man." she whispered.

Kimi waited until he clambered into his bedroom before she walked hastily down the stairs - with her bag this time, put on her shoes and left the house, locking the door behind her. She messaged Anders a reply saying she was just tired recently, and was about to plug her earphones in when her phone started blasting _Unravel_. She answered the call angrily, she enjoyed listening to music, it distracted her from the world around her - now someone wanted to take that from her _too_.

"Hazel speaking, what's up?"

"Ohh… hello Hawke, I was just calling to see if you were alright. If you're busy I-"

"No Fenris it's fine! I was expecting someone else is all." She recognised the deep voice and instantly regretted acting moody - just from not being able to listen to music, her temper was wearing thin as of late.

"Ahaha… I feel sorry for that person, then. So how have you been? I haven't had the chance to speak with you for three days." She wondered why he was calling so early, not that she minded.

"Umm, I've been alright, I jus-"

"Don't lie to me _Hazel_ , you have been withdrawing yourself from the guild and the game, as well as your friends over the past fortnight. If something is wrong please, tell me what I can do." Fenris pleaded.

She couldn't tell him about Gamlen yet, she wasn't ready, and she had a feeling he wouldn't accept 'I'm tired' as an answer.

"Did you know the guild is all from Kirkwall?" she could hear that Fenris was taken back by the question.

"Erm, yes, we're all logged into the Kirkwall server. Were you not aware?" He asked the question like she was retarded; she could imagine him smirking at her.

"No. No I wasn't. Does that make me dumb?" Kimi pouted. She could see Lowtown Station appearing around the corner of the street and pulled her train pass out her pocket. Fenris was laughing through the phone.

"It does not, you're smart where it matters."

"And you were so nice to me before…" she sighed, "So how come the guild hasn't met up yet?" Fenris breathed heavily out his nose before answering.

"I imagine everyone is too busy to, I don't believe anyone has suggested it."

"If… I _suggested_ that we did, would you come?" Kimi asked.

She could hear him hum in thought before he spoke. "It would be my pleasure. I have been wanting to see if the _mage_ is just as passionate about his kind outside of the game." Fenris jested. _'He doesn't, he's really nice actually.'_ she thought.

"Great! Then I'll ask the guild today when they're all free! Oh I'm so excited…" Kimi exclaimed, she now only had five more people to ask.

"So that's what has been troubling you this whole time?"

"No, and I don't want to talk about depressing things, so I'm not gonna tell you. I'd rather you act as a distraction to what is troubling me." she deadpanned. _'If this is all he called for then he should hang up now… but do I want him to hang up though?'_

"Fine by me. I don't believe I told you how I ran away from Danarius… would you like to hear the tale?" Kimi had, desperately, wanted to know since the time he had talked about this before, and the idea of hearing him talk for minutes on end seemed appealing. She decided to play it cool.

"I wouldn't mind…"

"Oh? I shall save the story for another time, then, if you have some-"

"Please tell me!" she exclaimed, playing it cool didn't work, after all. Her train pulled into the station and she boarded it quickly, trying to _actually_ get a seat.

"That's the spirit, Hawke," he laughed wholeheartedly, and it was one of the nicest sounds she had ever heard. "I was turning sixteen, I could legally move out if I wished to, which I very much did. I conversed about the topic with Danarius many times and he opposed it, strongly. I didn't know why he wanted me so _badly_ , then I found out he was running for Mayor in Tevinter. I knew he worked in politics, but this came as a surprise to me. Having a child would have made him relatable to the public; having an adopted one would have gained him twice the amount of followers."

"So he was just using you for his own gain?! _Ugghh_ I hate him!" Kimi stomped her feet with anger. The more she knew about the man the more she despised him.

He breathed through his nose humorously at her outburst. "It was a tactful move nevertheless. He hired five martial arts tutors as well as mainstream education teachers for me to learn from, so that I wouldn't need to go to school. My ex-stepfather wanted me as close to him as possible. I would see their faces change whenever Danarius was with me, I asked my Tevene teacher why he would scowl whenever Danarius would kiss me, he whispered it wasn't normal, that if we were in another country in Thedas he would be locked up. I had no clue what he was talking about."

"So how did you find out he was abusing you?"

" _Patience_ , Hawke. Danarius would have meetings with other campaigners, and other people of high status; sometimes I would accompany him, other times I would not. On one occasion where I wasn't required I ran to the closest library to find information on a computer there. What I found… all the times he would punish me _weren't_ my fault. When he would sleep with me at night it _wasn't_ normal. When he would make love to me it _wasn't_ a reward for good behaviour - and it wasn't just him, he would have me pleasure other women whilst he watched, and I… liked it, to an extent. I ran out of the library and vomited until I had nothing in my stomach.

"Then… how did… erm…" struggling for words, she cleared her throat and carried on. "So when did you run away?"

"So many questions, are you like this with _everyone_?" He mused, he didn't sound troubled like he did when he last spoke of Danarius, she noticed.

"Pretty much!" she responded, _'Not really, I just like hearing you talk'_.

He hummed at her response. "I decided I needed to be rid of him a couple nights later, he was going on a business trip on the other side of Tevinter, he said he didn't _require_ me. Not that I minded anymore."

"I can imagine so."

"I packed a large rucksack with two changes of clothes, food and water, then snuck out. As I said before, he lives in a mansion. He had employed numerous guards throughout the house, so I had to incapacitate them all, or most of them, I didn't bother checking the number. I kept running until I snuck onto a cruise ship to Seheron. I ran out of food so I stole some from the on-board restaurant, and when we arrived I went into _every_ shop asking for employment so I could afford more. I eventually found one that took me in, it was a spa of all places." Kimi heard him chuckle lightly at the memory.

"Oh my gosh! You worked in a spa?!" People were staring at her on the train as she cackled.

"Yes, I learned quite a few things from there as well, I am not ashamed to say so! I could give you the _best_ massage you will ever receive."

"Well then, _Fenris_ , when we all meet up I better get the best Maker damned back massage in the whole of Thedas!" _'Stop. Flirting. With. Him.'_

"I gladly accept that challenge. But carrying on, that's how I met my previous guild, the Fog Warriors. One of the teenagers I worked with was in it, he suggested I played."

Kimi enquired further. "How did you play if you didn't have a house?"

"Half of the money I earned went on renting a room at a youth hostel, and I would visit the library to play. Eventually Danarius tracked me and tried to bring me back, but I got the attention of a police officer who called for back up. They took Danarius in and I left, I boarded another ship - this time with nothing, and didn't even know where it took me until I asked someone when we arrived."

"And that's how you got here?"

"Yes. I remembered that _he_ had a holiday home here in Hightown, so I decided to stay here."

 _'So that's how he came to the café, he lives near it!'_ Her train pulled into Hightown Station and she got off, heading to the said place of work.

"Where do you work now? At another spa?" she mused.

"Of a sort, I prefer to say leisure centre, though. I get called in whenever they need me since I'm off the books, when I don't have work I either exercise there or go to the library. So there's my life story, are you satisfied?"

"Very! I mean, not like that I-I meant… I'm glad you told me. But why tell me?" Kimi tried to change the subject after her awkward outburst.

"Well, Danarius has a wine cellar here, I got bored last night so I may have had... a little too much… I'm still tipsy, I think."

"Oh yay! Another alcoholic in the guild." she said sarcastically. She didn't mind people who drink, she even had some of Gamlen's once in awhile just to see why he liked it so much. It was people who drank _aimlessly_ that made her angry.

"I am aware of Isabella's habits, but who else?" she heard him moving about a little, the sound became muffled but returned to normal.

"Hmm… Varric definitely, Merrill occasionally - you need to see her drunk it is _so_ funny, like she's _so_ innocent and then she'll start _stripping_ \- not _every_ time... but sometimes when she's had too much, it's ahh." She laughed out loud, again, at the memory. She was approaching the café and knew she would need to cut off the phone call, but she didn't want to.

"I would not like to imagine her intoxicated… did you dye your hair?"

The question stunned Kimi, she wondered if she heard him wrong. "I'm sorry?"

"Your hair, did you change the colour?"

"How…-"

"I can see you from the balcony, Danarius has a telescope up here, the mansion on top of the hill. Look upwards."

She did as he said, she stopped walking and looked for a 'mansion on a hill'. Viscount's Hill, where the police station and a few majorly rich people lived could be seen from most places in Kirkwall. Sure enough, in the distance she could see a large modern looking mansion atop the hill that definitely looked like a vacation home, she could almost make out a person waving from a balcony. _'He was shuffling about to brag about his accommodation?!'_

"You're joking! Oh my gosh… no, it's dyed purple but my natural roots came through..." she stroked her hair out of shyness, and headed towards the doors of the café.

"You shouldn't do such adorable actions like that… it could make a man go crazy." Fenris mumbled, which enhanced the huskiness of his voice.

Kimi was certain she wasn't meant to have heard the last thing he said, he most likely murmured it or accidentally said it. "Err… I should go now I'm outside work butyoualreadyknowthatcuzyoucanseeme bye!" She would be lying if she said it didn't _affect_ her.

"If you are online later, I'll see you then. Bye."

* * *

The café was set up and ready for customers promptly, twenty minutes before the shop opened at nine o'clock, to be exact. Her increased effort may have been due to a _certain_ male saying _certain_ things that she needed to stop thinking about. Morrigan was on cake duty with Zevran, and she gave Kimi a death glare in response, herself was paired with Feynriel on coffee duty. As soon as they opened a large crowd of customers came in, but Kimi was used to it now. It was Feynriel she worried for. He wasn't a very confident person, but he didn't even _try_ to disguise it like Kimi would.

When the morning rush of people had went, she walked over to Morrigan and Zevran, it seemed they weren't having the most talkative conversation.

"Hey _guys_ , how's life in cake land?" she asked, stressing the 'guys' part to mock Morrigan.

"Oh it is fine, you know, the usual… Morrigan denying the charms of the _mighty_ Zevran." Zevran jested.

"Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?" giggled Kimi, _'He's such a character, I dunno why Morrigan hates him so much.'_

"It makes me more self aware, you know. Heightens my ego."

"Oh, I am sure it would be _impossible_ for it to go any higher." Morrigan interrupted, after leaving to serve a customer. Kimi was disrupted from her conversation by Feynriel, who was trying to calm down a customer. From walking over to him she could see what was wrong instantly.

"What's up Feynriel?" Kimi asked, acting as if she knew nothing. He explained he spilled the customer's coffee, _just as she thought_ , and the woman wanted a refund.

"I see, I'll take it from here..."

Kimi thanked the woman for being patient, and went to the coffee machine and made a larger size of what Feynriel ordered for free. This pleased the woman and she left.

She turned to the boy with a sigh. "Feynriel you can't get all worked up like that, you _know_ what Meredith is like, it's a wonder why she didn't come out of her office in the first place."

"I know I'm sorry Hawke, I get really scared around people like that, I feel like they're going to shout at me, which she did!" he whispered.

"Ugghh, look, just pretend they're just as scared as you, that's what I used to do in my first month here! I'm still a little shy, but most customers like that 'cuz im a girl." she explained.

"I know but… it's just, I'm not a people person. I applied for the job so I could _get over_ it, but it's just made it worse…"

Kimi put her hand on his shoulder encouragingly. "Think of it this way, if a customer comes in and doesn't like you, they won't come back. You'll never see them again. If they do come back, they must like you. It's that simple. Either way you benefit!"

"I… I never thought about it like that! I'll try thinking that next time I get a customer!" Feynriel exclaimed. Kimi saluted him and looked at the clock.

_'Half an hour till my lunch break. You can do it Kimi!'_

"So Feynriel… why choose to be... an apprentice here?" She asked between mouthfuls. At the start of lunch she had bought a cheese and pickle sandwich from the convenience store a couple streets away. Kimi decided to sit with Feynriel whilst she ate.

"Well, my father left when he found out my mum was pregnant with me. He didn't want to be branded the father of a bastard son, so he left."

"That's a bit harsh."

Feynriel shrugged his shoulders. "I can't say it's his loss, though." he said, depressively.

"It's his loss. There. I said it for you!" Kimi encouraged.

"Thanks. Anyway my mum was struggling with our bills recently because our landlord put up the rent, so I got a job to help."

"Ha! It's like no one wants to work here of their own free will." Kimi laughed, covering her mouth to quieten it when customers began to stare.

"It seems that way! Neither my mum nor myself miss my father, though. Despite our financial situation we're happy without him."

"That's good." Kimi smiled.

"So what of your father? Is he a bastard too?"

She gripped her coffee cup harder, out of uncomfortability. "Was, and no. He was amazing."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well he raised a great daughter if that makes you feel better."

"Thank you Feynriel," she blushed.

"I mean it, you're such a kind person. I wish there were more customers like you." He joked.

"Me too! Ah, lunch is almost over… damn!" After lunch time the crew would rotate, working on the opposite side of the counter. Kimi put her rubbish in a bin and greeted Zevran at the ovens near the cake display.

"Aren't you meant to be with Morri' at the coffee machines?"

"She convinced Feynriel to _trabajar_ over there, it seems she does not like me very much…" sighed Zevran, who was decorating a carrot cake. Kimi stood next to him, putting icing on several cupcakes.

"She doesn't appreciate you flirting with her, Zev."

"I am aware, it is humorous to watch her face _twist_ in disgust… why all the nicknames?"

She rolled her eyes,"You're so cruel... and you're all my friends, why can't I give nicknames?" she pouted.

"If this is a method of guilt tripping us into using your self-given anime name it isn't working."

"It isn't I swear, I'm used to people not using my _preferred_ name."

"But Hazel is so nice, why do you hate it so?" Zevran asked.

"...Hazel died when my father died…" she murmured, just quiet enough so no one but herself could hear.

"What was that?"

"Because my eyes aren't even hazel, they're blue! It makes no sense." she said, crossing her arms. Kimi was suddenly spun around, her back pressed against the counter with the taller, tanned man pressed against her front. Her heart beat worked faster to catch up with her racing mind, Zevran's face was inches from her own, his eyes locked with her's. _'He has such long eyelashes… wait, why aren't I thinking of how shocked I am?!'_

"Ah, it seems they are!" The weight of him disappeared as he spoke, she could feel herself blushing, as well as the stares of other people.

"Get a room!" shouted Morrigan.

"You are just jealous, mi amore!" retorted Zevran.

* * *

As soon as the clock read three o'clock, Kimi bid the crew farewell as she left the café, her bag already in hand, and made her way to the closest drugstore. She didn't know what colour to dye her, so messaged the group chat for advice.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:05PM**

\- GUYYYS

\- I'm gonna dye my hair but I dunno what colour :(

She was about to put her phone in her pocket when she got a speedy reply.

**Merrill [jolly_daisies], 15:05PM**

\- Oooooh what are you thinking of? :-D

Kimi thought Merrill always acted half her age, she was enthusiastic about everything. The woman played DA:O the least out of the group, only being available at school vacations and occasionally weekends; the whole guild had expressed wishing she could play more, her blood mage specialisation _was_ handy.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:07PM**

\- I dunno :/

\- That's why I'm asking here lol

\- I wouldn't mind a pastel colour but I'd have to get bleach for my roots

**Isabella [xbellax69], 15:08PM**

\- Hmmmmm

\- Do something sexy like a fiery red or black

\- Or pastel blue! It would match ur eyes :O

_'Can we not talk about eyes in general please...'_

**Merrill [jolly_daisies], 15:08PM**

\- It would!

\- Or or maybe

\- Bubblegum pink!

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:10PM**

\- erm no...

\- merrill how are you texting isn't it illegal for teachers to use phones at school or something

**Merrill [jolly_daisies], 15:11PM**

\- It's Saturday Hawke!

\- I did some marking and painting then went online for a bit :-)

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:12PM**

\- Oh yeah lol

\- I wouldn't miiiind red actually

\- Or a dark purple or brown.

**Isabella [xbellax69], 15:12PM**

\- Yh! Go like a deep violet or something

**Merrill [jolly_daisies], 15:13PM**

\- Wait! Go deep violet but keep the tips pastel purple :-D

\- Then fade the darker purple into the lighter one

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 15:13PM**

\- Merrill ur a fkn genius

\- And it will be less effort if I wanna go light again as well!

\- Ok I'm at the till now.

"Varric?" There was only one dwarf she knew in person, and that person was none other than Varric Tethras.

"Oh! Hey Hawke." he greeted. He had his blonde hair tied back, and was dressed casually.

"Watcha' doing my G?" she jested.

"Just getting some stuff, painkillers mostly, what about you? Changed your character in the game and now in real life?" Varric walked up to the till with Kimi. Kimi thought it was strange seeing how small he was in real life.

"Yeah, my roots are coming through so…"

"I don't understand girl talk but I'm guessing that means your natural colour is coming back?"

Kimi came to the front of the que but offered the dwarf to go first, to which he declined."Yeah, how've you been?" She paid and stood to the side, waiting for Varric to pay. The woman at the till was trying to suppress a laugh and was whispering to her colleague who was giggling too. Kimi suddenly felt angry, nearly squashing the hair dye box in her hand, it was obvious that they were talking about the dwarf, who didn't seem phased by it at all. They exited the drugstore and Kimi felt like apologising on the cashier's behalf.

"Don't sweat it, Hawke." Apparently she wore her emotions clearly on her face.

"But they were making fun of your height! If you said the word I would have gone up to them and have given them something to laugh about: how their scared faces look as I beat them up!" she exclaimed, punching the air as if it were their faces.

"I said don't sweat it. These days people forget it was us dwarves that _mined_ the metal they use on a day to day basis in their phones and what not."

She twirled round, talking to him whilst walking backwards. "Exactly! That's where my fists come in, I'll pummel their faces whilst you tell the stories of your ancestors!" He chuckled at her response but dismissed the request again. They reached the edge of the road and both stopped walking.

"So, which way are you headed, Hawke?"

"This way," she gestured straight ahead, "what about you?"

"My car is parked over there, I'm going to Lowtown if you want a lift."

_'How lucky am I? First Anders gives me a ride and now Varric offers to carpool too!'_

"Yes please! So... why _do_ you need painkillers?" They both got into his car, and he explained how because of his dwarfism his joints would sometimes hurt. The near hour's ride was filled with conversation, by the time they were not ten minutes away, the topic had switched to gossiping.

"So… about Broody."

"What about him?" Kimi looked out the car window, trying to hide _another_ blush, reminded of what the said elf had said earlier.

"He seems, mysterious, don't you think? The whole white hair thing, and he used to always play Dragon Age Online in a library; but now he plays in his _home_ , which is hardly furnished and you can see the wallpaper hanging off in the background. I mean, how dodgy is that?" Kimi was struggling to reply, she wanted to tell Varric about Fenris, but she didn't want to tell his secrets.

"I'm sure he was his reasons for being sketchy… he could be a drug dealer!"

"Ahaha Hawke! That gives me an idea for a light novel series! Now where's my pen and paper when I need it…"

"VARRIC KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!"

They made it to Kimi's house without somehow dying, considering that Varric's driving was almost as erratic as Isabella's. Kimi wanted to bring up the question of the guild meeting up sometime, but she didn't know how to ask. In her mind Varric was the leader-figure of the group, despite none of them actually claiming the responsibility. _'What if he turns me down?'_

"What's on your mind, Hawke?" came a familiar voice. _'I really need to stop daydreaming… people will think I'm crazy.'_ She snapped her head away from the window and faced Varric.

"Well, you know how like, the guild hasn't ever met up?"

Varric nodded, cocking his eyebrow at her. "Yeah, I'm guessing you want to?"

"Yeah! Why not? Why do you sound doubtful?"

The dwarf switched off the engine to the car, and readjusted his position. "We only really know each other over video calling. What if the rest of us get all awkward? And what if we end up seeing everyone's true nature in person?"

Kimi put her hand to her chin, thrumming it with her finger. "But that's all ' _What if's_ ', we've known each other for over half a year, Varric. I'm willing to take the chance that they're even nicer in real life than over a call."

"Ha! Then I'm up for it, I imagine our Izzy will only meet up if there's alcohol, though."

Kimi scoffed, rolling her eyes at Varric. "Yeah right, just for mocking her behind her back I'm making you buy if she does say that!" she pointed at Varric, emphasising the 'you'.

"Deal."

She approached her house and waved Varric off before entering, greeting her mother with a hug before heading upstairs to her room. Kimi froze when she heard voices coming from there, _two_ voices. She pressed her ear to the door, trying to hear the discussion - and decipher who's voice it was.

"So, osmosis is the diffusion of water from a lower concentration to a h-"

" _Higher_ concentration to a _lower_ concentration..."

"That's what I meant obviously! Across a partially permeable membrane."

"Yes! And diffusion is the opposite."

"Wait… so what's meiosis?"

"Something completely and utterly different… but I can understand the confusion, they sound very similar."

Kimi spotted and opening and burst through the room, hoping to frighten both Bethany and whoever was in there. The second voice was familiar but she couldn't recognise it without a face to go with it. To her surprise there _wasn't_ a teenage boy with acne sprawled out on her sister's bed - as she had assumed. Instead, there was a blonde man chatting to her sister over a _Skype_ call, with her desk covered with text books, pens, and lined paper.

Bethany screamed at the intrusion, and shouted at Kimi for busting in.

"Oh, hey Hawke." _'Ah, Anders. Wait. Anders?'_

"Hey Hawke? That's what I get? Why is a twenty something year old man video chatting with a fourteen year old girl?"

Her sister scoffed in disbelief. "Erm, sis, calm your tits. He's _helping_ me with biology." Kimi walked towards her sister and perched half on the seat and half on top of Bethany.

"Well then, I'll let you get to it!" she chirped, "Bethanyhowdidyougetmypassword?" Kimi mumbled through her teeth.

"Err, naruxsasu123 isn't the most _difficult_ password to guess when it comes to you, dear sister. It was literally my second attempt."

Kimi covered her face with her hands and turned away from the monitor. "Just get on with your work and go away…" she said, her voice muffled by her hands.

Anders laughed loudly, slapping his hands off of his desk whilst doing so. "Is there anything else you need help with, Beth?" said the blonde, wiping tears from his eyes with his finger.

Bethany shook her head, "That's about it I think… thanks Anders!"

"Then I'll be off, there seems to be a stray cat meowing at my back door, I'm going to go and let it in. I'll see you two later!" Kimi and her sister both said farewell and Kimi disconnected the call.

"You do know he's at _least_ ten years older than you, right?" droned Kimi.

"Maker, Hazel! I'm allowed to crush on guys aren't I?!" screamed Bethany as she shot up from the chair. Bethany only called Kimi by her real name when she was angry, so it shocked the older sister very much when she said so. "It's not like _you_ have a crush on him too." Kimi heard the younger sister say under her breath.

"Oh, please. Stick to people your age. You only hit puberty, what, two years ago?"

Bethany flopped to her bed, laughing at her sister's words. "Oh you would know about that, wouldn't you?"

"Wh-what do you mean by that?!" Kimi's heart stopped for a second, _'She couldn't know about Gamlen, could she? I kept it hidden!'_

"If I recall correctly, _Fenris_ is only five or six years older than you. When you were my age he was nineteen or twenty!" The older sibling exhaled through her nose, mentally thanking the Maker that she was ignorant to the crime Gamlen was committing.

"Bethany, can we just leave this be, please? I'm not in the mood. I'm sorry for accusing you for trying it on with Anders, okay?"

"Hmmmmm… fine, if you get me a milkshake from the kitchen."

Kimi strode over to her sister and hugged her tightly, before grabbing her phone from her bag and putting it in her back pocket. She exited the room and entered the bathroom, her back sliding down the door meeting the floor. A lump had formed in her throat, Kimi tried to swallow it down but it wouldn't budge. She wasn't like this. Her despair could be controlled under normal circumstances, but her darkest secret was getting out of control.

 _'How long? How long is it going to be before mother or Beth find out? Before some body walks in on us? I can't…'_ Tears wetted her face and she had to reach for a towel to place over her mouth to muffle the sobs that erupted from her lungs. Her phone vibrated in her back pocket, but she was lost too far in her thoughts to take notice, or to care.

"I can't do this anymore, I can't… I want to die…" she whispered, repeating the latter clause over and over. Her breath quickened to an abnormal speed, her heart beating at twice the amount it was meant to be. She let her fear take over she slid further down the door, until she was curled in a foetal position, riding out her panic attack on the broken tiled floor. Drool leaked from her mouth as she hiccuped, her hands fisted her hair. _'I can't breathe… what have I done… please no one walk in, no, walk in… help me! No! Leave me alone, I can't breathe… It's your fault you drunken pig!'_

"...I drive myself crazy, 'cause I can't escape the gravity…"

_'I hate you Gamlen! Just die! Why can't I be normal? Dad… Why did you leave me, Daddy?! We could be fine, normal, away from Gamlen if you didn't die! I'll kill who killed you!...'_

"...keep dragging around what's bringing me down, if I just let go I'd be set free…"

A soft, comforting sound brought her out of the war in her head, it took her a small while to figure out where it was coming from; her back pocket. Still hyperventilating, her shaking hands reached to grasp it. _'I… butt dialed… Fenris'_. She placed the phone next to her head - still in a foetal position - and listened, finally trying to control her breathing.

"I know I'm not the centre of the universe, but you keep spinning 'round be just the same…"

Kimi realised that it was, in fact, Fenris. Singing. His voice was still husky, but softer, more full of emotion than his usual dialect. She recognised the song somewhat, and felt the urge to sing along with him, to let him know she was calm.

"...holding on, why is everything so heavy?"

She wasn't confident, she was still hiccupping, and she was an emotional wreck - but she _wanted_ to join him.

**"Holding on to so much more I can carry.**

**I keep dragging around what's bringing me down,**

**If I just let go I'd be set free.**

**Holding on, why is everything so heavy?"**

At first she was anxious, only singing a couple words. Her voice only a whisper. Then, she heard his voice quake. She thought that Fenris must have realised she was joining him, but he kept singing - stronger this time. It was then that it became a duet. Their voices complimenting each other almost perfectly if Kimi wasn't hiccupping throughout the moment they shared. They finished the song, both of them apparently not knowing what to say. Kimi had calmed down fully, only sniffling now. She sat up and leaned against the bathroom door, putting her phone to her ear. It was Fenris who broke the silence.

"Uhm... you wouldn't calm down, I heard singing helps..." He didn't sound so confident, now. Kimi heard him clear his throat awkwardly. "I think you should tell me now, considering you were just begging to die."

Kimi sighed into the phone, she didn't want him to find out like this; a butt dial, of all things. She exhaled again, before whispering. "There isn't a light way to say this, but my uncle… he… does _things_ -"

" _Hawke_."

She couldn't say it out loud. Not only because she didn't want to vocalise it, but because if someone were to be standing on the opposite side of the door she would be in a reasonably large amount of trouble. She minimised the call and opened the messaging app, sending him a message.

"Check your inbox." She wimpered.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 17:13PM**

\- ...sexual things...

\- He hasn't gone all the way yet but I'm scared he will

\- He's been doing it for a while and it's getting harder to keep it a secret

"Hazel…" Fenris' voice was thick with a mixture of sadness, disgust and anger.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 17:13PM**

\- It's funny that u call me that

\- That's what he calls me when he's doing it with me

\- That's why I hate my name so much

"You can't let him plague your name, it is your own. I despise the name Fenris, it is the name he gave me, but I keep it because it reminds me of the person I am. The person I am yet to become. Leto is dead, Fenris is who I am now."

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 17:14PM**

\- Easier said than done

\- When someone calls me Hazel all I can imagine is him moaning it

\- It makes me sick

Fenris spoke, woefully. "Why haven't you told Aveline about this? She could have put an end to this before it got this far."

Kimi looked up to the ceiling. She was scared. Scared that she would lose the court case and he would punish her. Scared that he would go to prison, but break out and then punish her more heavily. Scared that he would serve his time, hunt her down and punish her, killing her in the process. No. She wanted him dead, so that he could no longer hound her thoughts.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 17:15PM**

\- We would have nowhere to go.

\- If we moved house he would come back.

She could hear Fenris shuffling around, and concluded that he must be bored and was doing something else to keep occupied.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 17:15PM**

\- I'm better now Fenris

\- You can go

"No. I shall remain until I see fit that I do."

Kimi scoffed at him, he reminded her of a dog being faithful to his master.

**Kimi [kimi_chan], 17:16PM**

\- And when would that be?

"I… fasta vas I don't know… I don't want to leave you, you said you wanted to die. How do you expect me to be okay with leaving you after you say that?"

Kimi didn't reply. She audibly sighed, but didn't type a response. She didn't know what to say. "This is so awkward…" she whispered, after several seconds of silence.

"Yes, it is." Fenris chuckled, awkwardly.

"How about I play the Maker damned game until midnight, then you can 'evaluate' my well being?"

"That sounds reasonable enough, I shall see you in ten minutes?" he asked, a little happier than before.

Kimi hummed in agreement, and hung up. She washed her face with cold water to try and shrink the swelling of her eyes from crying. Her whole body felt heavy after her panic attack, her chest feeling tight. _'And water can't cure this… why am I so weak?'_

She left the bathroom, expecting her mother to be on the other side of the door ready to interrogate her on why she spent so long in there - but there was no one. Somewhat relieved, she walked down the hallway and to her bedroom. She heard Leandra and Bethany talking in the living room about knitting, and figured that Leandra must have called Bethany downstairs earlier - which explained why Bethany hadn't commented on her sudden toilet singing.

Kimi opened up the game and video call program and warped to Fenris' character, wondering what quest he would ask her aid on this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Heavy by Linkin Park, I don't own this or any characters etc. in the fic!

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE COMMENT/REVIEW AND FOLLOW IF YOU ENJOYED!! :'3


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